It’s Saturday night and time to get drunk! As Twenty Somethings we live for this but we also understand that there is a certain “getting ready process” and in the winter well, let’s just say the “prep time” for a night of getting wasted is that much more important. Going out to the bar/club sober and disheveled is never okay. But in the winter, we are pale and bundled up. In the summer it’s okay if you don’t look 100% your best because you can easily show off your cleavage and then there’s also the added bonus of being tan. In the winter …not so much. It’s hard to look sexy in a parka, trust me – I live in Maine.

Every night out starts around 5:00 pm with you being cozy in bed watching Netflix unwilling to move.

After (seriously) contemplating just staying in with a glass bottle of wine you decide that you should probably shower because should you meet a hot guy you want to at least have freshly shaved legs and well, ya know other stuff.

Expert Tip: (My co-worker suggested this so I can’t take credit for it) bring a mason jar with wine or if you are like me, Redbull Vodka… IN the shower with you. It’s a great pre-game, before the actual pre-game.

Get out of the shower. This is hard because our apartments are freezing – can’t turn the heat up too high utilities are fucking expensive and I need that extra money to support my social life.  Regardless, you MUST get out.

Try to fight the overwhelming urge to not lay back down in your comfy WARM bed.

Text friends to find out what they are wearing and when they say “IDK” harass them. How dare they NOT know, you don’t know but you are the exception to every rule – duh!

Put on music OR a motivating movie. By motivating movie, I mean something that MOTIVATES you to look GOOD. Some of my personal favorites: Mean Girls, Legally Blonde OR just turn on Bravo. Everyone on that channel looks good. Like even the toddlers.. it’s kinda scary.

Blow dry your hair and allow the heat from the dryer to warm your frozen body. Do your makeup. Try to make yourself look a little better than average…gotta keep up with those college kids using Fake ID’s, it’s a dog eat dog world.

The Expectation:

The Reality:

Fuck it, let’s drink. This is the best it’s gonna get.

Here comes the worst part, after searching for at least 30 minutes for the perfect outfit. You are forced to cover yourself with gloves, a scarf and a jacket. Now, not only do you not look cute – but you look 204893398 pounds *the struggle*

Welp, let’s head out and stand in the snow for an hour while we wait for our cab and then another 15 minutes while we wait to get our ID’s checked at the bar. Seriously? I’m old. You’ve seen a million times. Let me in the bar, I need alcohol. But check the ID of the little 18 year old girl behind me, it’s fake.

We finally get into the bar, the gloves are off (literally) it’s time to party. WINE! or once again, if you are like me VODKA REDBULL! I may or may not have said these exact words last night and they are very true “a nicely made Vodka Redbull can solve all the world’s problems.” As Twenty Somethings, we love to have fun and can hang with the best of them but don’t tell us you ran out of Red Bull or Pinot Grigio unless you want a Naomi Campbell style hissy fit to take place right in front of you.

At the end of the night we always find ourselves way more drunk than we ever planned. And we are confused as to how it happened,  “in college I funneled 4 beers, took 5 jello shots and had 3 Vodka Sodas  in like an hour and I felt fine…WTF am I dying.”  No no, my little Twenty Something you are just getting old. Chin up, pretty soon you will look old enough to at least not have to show your ID at the bar. Fuck, my life is over. Get me a bottle of wine and season 1 of Vampire Diaries. Where did my youth go?

The summer edition will be slightly less pathetic….winter is depressing and I really did the best I could!

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