It’s Friday night. Your friend asks if you want to go out. 

In your early twenties: Obvi! Best night evarrrr!

Now: As long as it’s a quiet bar.

When you get dressed.

Your early twenties: Where are all my mini-dresses?

Now: Ugh. Who am I trying to impress? Spoiler alert: no one.

When you pick out your shoes for the evening.

Your early twenties: Slutty heels! #YOLO!

Now: These sensible flats look mighty comfortable.

When your friend asks if you want to pre-game.

In your early twenties: Obviously lol! House Hunters drinking game!!!

Now: I might make myself a negroni.

When you assess your transportation options.

In your early twenties: OMG drunk train!

Now: I’ve already called us an Uber black car. It will be here in five minutes.

When you see the line to get in the bar.

In your early twenties: This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Now: Whatever, let’s go somewhere else.

 When someone tries to buy you a drink.

In your early twenties: Hey there stranger. I’m not interested in you, but you don’t know that. Buy me all the drinks.

Now: Nah, I’m good. I have a well-paying job.

When you assess your fellow bar patrons.

In your early twenties: Let’s all be BFFs!

Now: How are all these twelve year olds drinking?

When it’s time for a bathroom break.

In your early twenties: Yay bathroom party!

Now: This bathroom is filthy. Get me out of here quick.

When your friend drags you out onto the dance floor.

In your early twenties: IT’S A RAVE!!!

Now: I wonder if this is that One Direction band I’ve been hearing so much about…

When it starts to get really crowded.

In your early twenties: Who should I dance with next?


 When your friend orders a round of shots. 

In your early twenties: Jager bombs!!!

Now: I’m going to regret this. I just know it.

When that shot kicks in and you try out some signature dance moves.

In your early twenties: The worm. Nailed it.

Now: That’s cool. I meant to trip.

When a stranger tries to dance with you.

In your early twenties: Damn I’m looking so good!

Now: Get your mitts off of me.

When you try to flirt with a good looking fella.

In your early twenties: I’m young, I’m sexy, I’m wild, I’m free!

Now: Do you, like, have a good job?

When you hit last call.

In your early twenties: Let’s keep dancing forever!

Now: THANK GOD. I’m so tired.

When you get the drunk munchies.

In your early twenties: Pizza or McDonalds or ribs or Chinese? Whatever, let’s get everything.

Now: Sorry. On a diet.

When you get home.

In your early twenties: Let’s keep this party going! All night long, baby!

Now: How about I just plan on never leaving the house again?

The following morning…

In your early twenties: Up at the crack of noon. A little headache, but nothing an egg sandwich won’t fix.

Now: Forget sleeping in. You’re up at 6:00 like every other day. And you feel terrible. Have a great Saturday.


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