If you haven’t heard yet, the end of Twinkies has come. The end of Ho-Hos. The end of those chocolate covered cupcakes with the pretty white frosting. The end of Donettes (although I never understood why they couldn’t be spelt DONUTS… it’s not like hostess cupcakes were cupcecks). I mean, come on world, how can you take these childhood novelties away from us?!

Now, I haven’t eaten any Hostess product in years (if at all)… but this is still upsetting. Another part of our childhood – gone. First it was VCRs. Then it was Friendly’s. And now it’s Hostess. What are you trying to prove, higher powers?! That we’re OLD? Well… okay… I guess we kind of are. But we’re not that old!

Kids these days have no idea who Madonna is. They don’t know who Nysnc is (how dare they?). They don’t know what VCRs are. They don’t even know what AOL is. And soon enough – they won’t know what Hostess is. They won’t know what a Twinkie is. And if brands like Wonderbread and Eddy’s ice cream aren’t bought, they won’t know what those are either… not that I ever ate or bought any of these foods – but as I said, it’s the familiar disappearing from the supermarket shelves that bothers me.

Us idiots have been on a healthy living kick for, like, years. We have had no interest in indulging in gross foods such as ones made by Hostess… but now us idiots are going to want such gross foods. And that’s because… we want what we can’t have. As soon as VCRs were phased out, I wanted to watch old VCR tapes. I never wanted to watch these tapes when I actually had a VCR… so why did I want to when I didn’t and they were super hard to find? It was the same with Friendly’s. After high school, I never thought to myself, ‘Let’s go out to dinner! How about Friendly’s?’ But as soon as it was gone, I have wanted to travel miles and miles to find one of these rare restaurants to have – what? Chicken fingers, fries, and a fribble?! I mean… what is wrong with me? Seriously.

I can tell you now – no part of me has thought ‘I really could go for a Twinkie right now‘ since hearing Hostess has closed (although the pretty cupcakes seem pretty appealing right now), but I guarantee you there are people out there who have and are thinking like this. I guarantee you there are people out there going from gas station to gas station stocking up on as many ho-hos and Twinkies as possible before they can no longer find them. Yes – this is ridiculous. But we live in America. What do you expect?

Maybe this will be a good thing. Twinkies were (slash ARE) the symbol of obese America… so maybe without Twinkies, America will weigh less. But… I doubt it. I mean, you can cook all of these foods and/or buy another brand’s knockoff! It’s not hard to be large.

I will now leave you with a picture of things you used to find in your lunch box (sooo 90s) that you will never find on convenience store shelves again. RIP:


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.


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