Haircut Anxiety: The Struggle is Real

Everyone loves a makeover, whether it’s a 100 pound weight loss on Biggest Loser or a new shade of lip gloss. One of the easiest ways to change your look is to get a haircut. BUT IT IS SO HARD. Let me walk you through what it’s like for me to get a chop.

Step 1. Locate a salon. I am going through separation anxiety from my hometown hairdresser, Lynn. She just gets me. I have yet to find a Lynn in a new city, so I rely on Yelp. It’s been hit or miss so far. Subpar trim…NEXT. Hard-to-find location…NEXT. Only three stars out of five…NEXT.

Step 2. Locate THE salon. Dual step: finding a salon on Yelp does not mean you’ve found it in person. On two occasions, I have walked around aimlessly trying to find the actual place. Thanks, Apple Maps!

Step 3. Book appointment. BOOK AN APPOINTMENT. I chanced a walk-in once, and it did not turn out great. She asked me if I wanted my hair blow dried. It was winter. YA THINK?!

Step 4. Decide what I want done. I’ve learned to not let the stylist make a decision. This also forces me to do something I’m not good at: making decisions. Note to self: full bangs only work in the fall (sweaty forehead and bangs do not mix.) Secondary note to self: short face-framing layers take forever to grow back. It’s not a good idea.

Step 5. Mentally prepare myself to go under the knife (ish.) Wipe the terrified look off my face before the stranger with scissors comments on my nervousness. Try not to start sweating.

Step 6. Maintain polite conversation with stylist. Otherwise she’ll think I’m weird. Am I done yet?!?!

Step 7. Breathe. Stop thinking. “You can do this.” Yes, I need an internal pep talk.

Step 8. Blowdry time: The End Is Near. My neck is hot. MY NECK IS HOT. LIZ. CALM DOWN. IT’S ALMOST OVER.

Step 9. Shameless check-myself-out time. Deciding moment: is this okay? Do I look good? Or should I eat exclusively cinnamon to make my hair grow?

Step 10. Pay and leave in near tears/indifferent/beaming. Obligatory grotesque face car selfie.