If there’s one thing that has changed a fuck ton in my 20s, it’s been my thoughts about marriage. I started my 20s thinking I wasn’t anywhere near living that lifestyle and I am now ending my 20s living that lifestyle. Okay, I’m at least kind of living that wedding-filled lifestyle. I’ve had zero weddings to attend in 2017 even though all of my friends are between the ages of 28 and 30 (always running late), but I am planning a wedding (which is REALLY messing with my writing time, you guys) and I have a decent amount of weddings to attend next year already so there’s that.

Below is actual documentation of how my views of marriage have changed over the past 9 years. NINE YEARS, WHAT THE FUCK. Take a journey inside my mind. Maybe you’ll relate, maybe you won’t, maybe you aren’t even reading this anymore.



I could totally see myself marrying this guy. I mean, I can’t picture myself dating (re: hooking up with) anyone else. I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m already in my 20s. I’m an adult! My parents got married when they were 25, and I’m basically almost 25. So yeah, this must be it. We’re totally going to get married one day. But that’s still soooooo far away. At least I know I’m good to go for forever.



Omg, if I stay with this guy, this could literally be it. If we stay together then we’ll get married and I’ll never get the chance to date anyone else. Now is the time for fun! I want to fun. Let’s go out! Let’s go out strictly to meet people of the opposite sex! What’s the point of going out if you’re not giving sex eyes to people you would sleep with anyway? I honestly have no idea. But I can’t try and find out. I’m on a mission to HAVE FUN (re: get attention) before adulthood comes and kidnaps me for eternity (re: my face starts getting lines and I start getting tired at 10pm).



All of my co-workers are getting married. Gross, no thank you. They are so old. I have literally nothing to talk to these people about. Bachelorette parties?! Color schemes?! Baby showers?! The only thing I know about right now is how to successfully buy, wear, and return clothes from Urban Outfitters and where to go out if you want to have a good time at a crowded bar, but also not wait in line for an hour. I wonder how immature they think I am. Drinking is fun. I better keep having all of this fun before I get old and care about weddings and babies, too. That’s so far away though. I guess I’ll just keep to myself in cubicle for now.



Literally no thoughts about marriage. Just thoughts about new outfits and going out with friends.



I can’t believe people I know are getting ENGAGED. It’s insane. I can’t believe the engagement rings on my newsfeed, too. I used to think they all looked the same and figured I would want a nice bag over a ring one day, but I could fuck with one of these engagement rings. Also, the dresses. They don’t all look the same to me anymore. What is happening? Am I crossing over? Am I starting to think about marriage? NO WAY. I’M TOO YOUNG. I like to party and I have so many things I still want to do. Weddings seem cool, but the whole marriage thing kinda scares me. Not any time soon k thx bye!



Wow, I am so old. I can’t believe some of my friends are getting married. That’s insane. I feel like I should want to get married soon too, but I don’t. Is there something wrong with me? When am I going to grow up? TWIST: NEVER.



I feel like whoever I date now has to be the person I’m going to marry. I’m too old to be single again, right? I feel that old. But I’m also not ready to get married. Maybe in a few years, but not yet. I need more open bars in my life though, so hopefully more friends will get engaged soon.



Weddings are really fucking expensive. Why does it cost so much fucking money to attend someone’s wedding and all the festivities that go along with it? I don’t make enough money for this shit. At least they’re fun, though. I want to go to more weddings. Actually, I want to have my own wedding. But that would mean I would have to get married. Well, I want to be engaged too now. Where’s my ring?



Wedding planning is the worst. I need time for my LIFE, okay? Also, since when did I start caring about FLOWERS?



Wait, they’re getting divorced? And so are they? It seems like I know so many people are getting divorced. And getting married. And are still single. WOW EVERYONE IS DOING DIFFERENT THINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES, WHO KNEW. There is no “age to get married” after all. Or an age to get divorced, or an age to be single, or an age to do all of those all over again. WEDDINGS HAPPEN ALL THE DAMN TIME. But honestly, if weddings keep going on forever, I’ll literally have no money left.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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