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Meet Hank. He has THE LIFE. And I mean THE LIFE. He wandered onto the field during the Milwaukee Brewers’ spring training. Now he is living the dream. ESPN tells me Hank may have gotten hit by a car but he is now livin’ large with the Brewers. Hank is named after Hank Aaron, who I’m told is a hall of famer.

Hank made me rethink my life plan for a hot second. How easy would my life be if I just got hit by a car (but not severely injured) and wandered into a pack of millionaires? I live in a city with a Major League Baseball team, and a lot of traffic. Therefore I wouldn’t have to work. I wouldn’t have to pay bills. This seems like a solid plan.

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After some serious thinking, I came up with several drawbacks. First I’d have to carefully choose where I would walk into oncoming traffic and not get catapulted into more traffic. I’d also have to factor in location, in close proximity to large groups of millionaires.

Secondly, I’d have to make sure millionaires would flock in my direction upon seeing the accident. Do they make millionaire attractant?

Thirdly, I’d have to deal with my injuries. You can’t get hit by a car and not get hurt. I mean my parents have excellent health insurance that I am still eligible for (thanks, Obama) but I’m sure there would still be hospital time. Ok, no thanks. This doesn’t sound like such a good idea anymore.

That made me realize I don’t need large amounts of money to be a happy camper like Hank. If I did, I obviously would not be working in the journalism field. I also like to think this constant being semi-broke, actually broke cycle is making me a better person. Though similarly, I’m sure that dragging injured legs around is making Hank a better dog.

Truth be told I don’t even like baseball. I would have to gain an understanding of baseball to make an anonymous millionaire athlete value my presence. That’s not cool.

But ya know what? I’m smiling as big as Hank every day. I have an exciting job in a really cool city, amazing friends and family, an awesome boyfriend, and enough money (for now.) It may be a dog-eat-dog world out there, but it sure works for me.


Liz Witter is a 2011 graduate of St. Bonaventure University where she majored in broadcast journalism with a (useless) minor in French. She is originally from Rochester, NY but moved to Boston for a job...then another job. She spends her free time sleeping, going to Sephora or doing crafts. She plays volleyball recreationally and refuses to believe she peaked in high school. She’ll take Tim Hortons over Dunkin, and Wegmans over basically anything. You can follow her on Twitter at @lwitta6.

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