Good question, self. I actually have no idea how I’m supposed to be celebrating Halloween this year. There was enough confusion the year after I graduated college on when to dress up, how many costumes to have, how slutty to make those costumes, etc… But now that I’m in my mid-late 20s, those questions are back at it full force with mass confusion. I’m not a recent grad (maybe you are, but I graduated over 5 years ago, so old AF over here) so I can’t act like I’m still in college (or can I?), but I’m still young (right?) so I want to celebrate the holiday in a big way. How should I do that though? So many questions, so little time.

When Should I Dress Up?

Luckily, Halloween is on a Saturday this year. That leaves little confusion as to when to dress up, unlike when Halloween is in the middle of the week and you’re like ‘So do I dress up the weekend before, the weekend after, or both? Or was that only okay in college? Am I supposed to, like, go out on the actual day of Halloween too? Because weeknights are hard.

But even though we don’t have to worry about that struggle because we have only one weekend of Halloween this year, there is still a struggle regarding when to dress up. Am I too old to dedicate two nights to a holiday catered to dress up and pretend? Like, I already feel like I’m too old to handle going out TWO nights in ONE weekend, so how would I even accomplish this? I actually have no idea. Not to mention, If I dress up more than one night I’ll feel like I’m doing too much… and if I don’t celebrate more than one night I’ll feel like I’m not doing enough. I want to feel like I’m still in college but I also want to feel like an adult. UGH. Like, helloooo quarter life crisis (and post-quarter life crisis) problems.

How Many Costumes Should I Have?

If I only celebrate one night, the answer is clear: one costume. But I don’t want to just celebrate one night — that would be lame. So do I have TWO costumes? Do I have more than that if I celebrate more than two nights? Like what if I got wild and went out on a Thursday? Jk, that would never happen. But anyway, would it seem like I’m trying too hard? Because no one wants to look like they’re trying too hard… In college, I would never be caught dead in the same outfit twice if it was already captured in a night full of pictures. Now, I don’t care and will wear the same outfit on repeat. If it looks good, it looks good. And I paid for it. The same should go with a Halloween costume, right? It should, but I can’t think like that yet.

Anyway — I can’t wrap my head around having more than two Halloween costumes, so I’m thinking I’ll have two. But I don’t even have ONE yet and I have no idea when I will have the time to acquire this ONE costume… so like, what do you do when your Halloween-state-of-mind is in college and your body is in the real world? Because help.

DIY or Store Bought?

So, like, am I too old to be putting in a massive amount of time and creativity on my own costume? I know one day I will be able to channel my DIY-costume-making ability with my children… but am I getting too old to create crafty and slutty masterpieces for myself? How much effort is too much for a DIY Halloween costume? Am I too old to buy fabric and make myself into a bottle of vodka or an iPod? Or a beer bottle?

Found these girls on Google images. Nice job ladies.

Beyond the question of age, do I even have the TIME to create a DIY masterpiece? Yeah I could go the use-what-I-have route and be something less creative… or I could go to American Apparel and splurge on expensive stuff I won’t wear again to create an interesting yet easy-to-put-together costume… but I don’t have the time I did in college to craft. And I don’t have the friends living with me to spend an afternoon doing crafts with because no one has an afternoon free ever… and even if we did have free time, we wouldn’t have the same free time. Oh, and, no one has space in their apartment for crafts so that’s a problem too.

These two problems bring me to the possibility of a store bought costume, which I will never do. They are way too expensive. And… too slutty?

How Slutty Is Too Slutty?

Is there such thing as “too slutty” on Halloween? Maybe not for college students… but what about girls who are, let’s say, in their mid-late 20s? How are they supposed to dress? Are we too old to dress in basically nothing? Would it be immature of us to put no thought in our costumes and throw on underwear and a bra and call ourselves Pre-Sex Barbie? Or should we be wearing a costume that we wouldn’t fear be photographed and shown on various social media channels for our co-workers to find? Should we choose a costume that’s more intellectual to show we are grown up and smart? And if we do choose an intellectual costume, should we still have our boobs slightly out — but then slightly covered up to show we are “young adults?”

Should I even be asking these questions? Is there a point to thinking about it? Or should I just go for the gold and dress like I did in college? I have no answers, but I will continue to let these questions cause me great anxiety.

Am I Even Going To Have Anything To Do?

We put all this effort and thought into Halloween costumes, and then when it comes down to it — we don’t even know if we have plans. In college, there was always a party to go. Always a bar to frequent. Always friends to hang out with. But now, there’s usually something to do — but not all the time. Everyone has a different schedule and may have something planned that you aren’t part of. If you didn’t already get invited to a party, that probably means nothing is going on… And you won’t know who is around and what your weekend options are until that very weekend probably, and that doesn’t help for a holiday in which you have to plan in advance. You don’t want to start asking people what they’re doing because it’s way too early (and you want to wait and see what your best option is — IF THERE IS ONE). You could plan a party, but no one your age has an apartment worthy of hosting a party. Like a real party. It’s a problem.

So what the F are you planning for?! Why are you thinking so intensely about a costume when you have no plans?! Because that’s what confused twenty somethings going through a quarter life crisis do. Have absolutely no idea how to celebrate the ridiculous holiday of Halloween. Maybe we should just gather together and run free in a corn maze… or wait… are we too old for that too?


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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