There are two seasons at the beach: tourist and non-tourist. We have all seen them walking down the boardwalk with their cameras or selfie sticks taking pictures of literally anything and everything. What exactly is a tourist? Well it is someone who doesn’t necessarily belong here, but is visiting anyway whether it is for the weekend or for the entire tourist season. So how do we locals know that you are a tourist? Here’s how:
You come in packs with matching bright colored t-shirts.
Haven’t you ever been to Disney World where there is an entire family in some kind of “shade of obnoxious” or in other words some bright neon color so they can be easily retrieved if they were to get lost? These shirts do not just temporarily blind you, but usually on the back they say, “The Jones Family.” Oh wait, this was probably you and I see you have packed your t-shirts to come to the beach this week too! Fun.
In addition, nothing screams “I am not from here” more than the shirts with LMFAO lyrics or the touristy souvenir shirts that you wear. I promise you, this is a dead giveaway.
You wear socks and sandals.
While we are on the topic of your beach attire, let’s talk about this little trend. You come to the beach wearing sandals with white tube socks. Not only do you wear this to walk around the streets, you also wear this ONTO the beach. Why would anyone want to get sand in their socks? Why would anyone wear socks with sandals period?!
You have the most “amazing” sun tan lines.
Clearly you are so overly excited about finally getting on the beach and soaking up the summer sun that you do not think you’ll need sunscreen on the first day. “Oh don’t worry. I got a base tan the day before I came.” That is until the later that night when you realize your skin resembles a lobster and for the rest of your vacation you are coated in SPF 70 or sitting under an umbrella.
You feed the seagulls.
I am not sure what is so fascinating about a swarm of 20 seagulls violently and relentlessly yanking food out of your hand? As if the seagulls are not annoying already, flying over top of your head or landing close to your towel at the site of anything edible, leave it to you to make the “novel” decision of feeding them. The world would be a much better place if you stopped feeding the seagulls. Thanks.
The way you mispronounce local vocabulary.
If you are a local and have ever been approached by a tourist with a deer in a headlight look in their eyes when they are lost, they typically pronounce many of the local spots completely wrong. As if the fanny pack, bright t-shirt, and your sun burn didn’t give it away, you had to speak and mispronounce something.
Screaming at everything that touches your legs.
Sure, sharks can be found in the ocean. That is where they live. But there is a pretty decent chance that Mary Lee, the Great White shark that made waves online in early May who just touched your leg? Yeah, that was probably a seashell, seaweed or something harmless.
You eat at chain restaurants.
There are so many amazing local restaurants and you choose to go to Outback for dinner? Close your eyes, spin in a circle, and point. Wherever you are pointing, go there for dinner instead.
However, we salute you sunburned, fanny pack wearing, turtle pace walking tourists. Because while it is entertaining to park ourselves on one of the benches and play “I spot a tourist,” you are the people that keep our season running.
