Oversized sweater season is upon us. Are you ready to cover everything up and strut your stuff from the kitchen to the couch? With a little bit of leisure and a whole lot of nothing, the body you desire could be yours! Follow these steps and you’ll be rocking a winter body in no time.

1. Set your morning alarm with just enough time to roll out of bed and only be about ten minutes late to work every day.


2. Order the special holiday drinks from Starbucks multiple times a day. With whipped cream duh, and never “skinny.”


3. Always eat the free food at work. Nothing will soothe your seasonal depression more than free food.


4. When you get home from work, head right to the couch and don’t move until you go to bed.


5. Cancel your gym membership because you’re not going enough to make it worth it anyway.


6. Order pizza every Friday night.


7. Drink a shit ton of booze to stay warm.


8. Start binge watching a show and let it consume your entire weekend… and your weeknights, since you’re always on the couch during that time anyway.


9. Don’t go on any vacations in order to maintain that beautiful pasty skin.


10. Stop leaving your house unless you absolutely HAVE to because it’s too cold to go outside anyway.


And there you have it. Follow these steps and you will have the most perfect winter body in no time. All you’ll have left to do is buy some oversized sweaters and leggings and literally only wear those until April, after you’ve started working out again for maybe a month.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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