Afraid you’re going to have a cheap vacation? Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Here are eleven ways you can be sure to spend an unnecessary amount of money while on vacation and, in return, have a great time.

Book A Suite.

With a jacuzzi. A vacation isn’t real without a jacuzzi.

Take American Airlines.

When you print your boarding passes, it’s $28 dollars to pick each seat. THEN, when you check in bags, the first one isn’t free. It’s $25! WHAT A DEAL.

Order Drinks on the Plane.

Well, duh. Who wants to fly sober? Not to mention, the prices are higher — just like you — when in the air! It makes sense, right?

Rent A Car.

Sure you could just stay at your hotel and lounge during your vacation and if you want to go somewhere, walk or take a cab. But cabs are sketch and walking is too much of an effort… so obvs you need to rent a car! Even if your plan is to sleep on a lounge chair on the beach every day… you never know when you’ll want to take a drive somewhere.

Do Not Buy Food & Drinks At A Place Off-Site.

Why go to a nearby drug store or grocery store to stock up on bottled water, snacks, fruit, alcohol and sandwiches, when you can pay large amounts of money on overpriced salads and mixed drinks?!

Stay At A Four Or Five Star Resort.

Because if you don’t, you might have to deal with things like decently priced drinks on the beach and continental breakfasts! EW! Gross!

This marg was $25… Totally worth it though! Right?!

Make Friends With The Mini Bar.

Bottles of top shelf liquor are sitting in the fridge waiting for you to grab them. As are bottles of soda and water… and snacks like nuts, chocolate, and cookies. They’re just, like, sitting there staring at you. WHY would you let them go to waste?!

Go Shopping.

You can’t go home with the same amount of clothing you brought with you… That would be sad. YOU MUST BRING MORE. Even if you can get those same clothes at home.

Only Eat At Nice Restaurants.

You’re on vacation. Why eat at a chain restaurant when you can spend $200 on a nice dinner? Why eat a small meal or snack in your room when you can eat three massive meals that will cost you a fortune? You’re on vacation. At least the bathroom is nice if you get sick.

Indulge In An Expensive Bottle Of Wine.

A vacation is not complete without an outrageously expensive bottle of wine at dinner. Whether you’re sharing with a significant other or splitting among friends (the more friends, the more bottles you will need), a bottle of fine wine is always necessary.

It’s all good because you’re choosing from an iPad menu which tells you the wine’s rating!

Buy Souvenirs.

Ridiculous sunglasses? Shot glasses? Colorful branded shirts and shorts? Those bottles filled with sand and shells? BUY IT ALL. If you don’t, you may not remember that you went on vacation there…

By following these steps, you will be sure to spend your entire savings account and more. And don’t worry about all the debt you are accruing on your credit card! You can pay it back when you get home! You do make a ton of money, right? Oh, you don’t? Well, why not book another vacation and do it again?! YOLO.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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