If you have ever read an article concerning taxes I’m sure you were thoroughly disappointed, just like the majority of women that come home with me, but I digress. There are seasons that are well known amongst the general public: spring, winter, summer and, the lesser known of the bunch: tax season. Finally, a chance for calculators and Bic pens to re-enter the limelight. Now, with tax season upon us I decided to reflect back on how tax returns were spent in college, and how they are being spent now, as an “adult”.
Maybe some of you never received a tax return because tax evasion was your thing, or maybe you just never held a job because jobs are dumb and revolting against “the man” was a little more up your alley. For those of you who did receive that lovely piece of paper in the mail you know how it felt to tear open that pasty white envelope and begin to salivate at all of those zeros (two). For some, this meant they could throw the Ramen to the wayside for an actual warm meal; for others this check would be used for one thing, and one thing only: booze. I imagine most of you identify with the latter. All jokes aside, your tax return was a little slice of vacation; you could do with it whatever you liked: go shopping, take somebody on a date, invest in gold, actually purchase a textbook or pay your roommate for cable. The list could go on an on, but that is no longer our reality; with a new dress code, comes new responsibilities (I’m not sure that’s even how you spell that).
Instead of throwing a beach party in your dumpy college house or buying seven kegs, “just in case” you are paying off credit cards, increasing your 401(k) contribution, paying rent/mortgage or stashing it in some offshore bank account so the feds don’t find it. Either way, that little tickle you once had when the check came in the mail is no longer there; now, it is more like a numb, tingly feeling on the right side of your body. Don’t get me wrong, getting money back is cool and stuff, and you can still do fun stuff with it, but in the back of your new, adult mind, you know if you don’t pay that damn child support you might never see little Tommy again.
If you are thinking to yourself, “What is this guy talking about? Will you just tell me how to spend my tax refund already!”
Fine! here are, in my opinion the top 5 things you can spend your tax refund on:
1. New nickers
2. A brand spankin’ new set of tires for your car
3. New cutlery
4. A sweet new set of encyclopedias!
5. And finally, go see Pete Barbutti live in Las Vegas
