Author: Elana Lyn Gross

1. Take an unpaid internship that requires you to work 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Don’t worry if your soon-to-be boss says that, “when I sleep, which is rare, I do so standing up like a cow.” You just graduated college, you’re young, ambitious, educated–you don’t need sleep. Also, don’t worry if your soon-to-be boss asks if you don’t mind doing personal tasks like cutting her hair. This is a great opportunity for life-long learning. I’m sure that there is at least one you-tube tutorial where you can learn to cut hair.

2. Get an assistant. They are useful. James Van Der Beek has one and so should you. I can’t even tell you the number of times I wish I had someone to try questionable sushi or carry me over puddles. James is a lucky guy.

3. It is completely ethical to tell your roommate that an apartment blogger is coming to your apartment to interview you when the “blogger” is actually a foster care specialist interviewing you to see if you’d be a fit parent. Always read paperwork before you sign it. Don’t assume you are signing your consent to have your apartment photographed when really you are signing your consent to a child.

4. If you can’t afford an assistant get the aforementioned a foster child to be your assistant.

5. Get a job where your “busy season” only last two weeks.

6. Don’t trust an employee who uses “allegedly too often” someone allegedly ordered a peppermint mocha. They may be litigious which would make you nervous to fire them.

7. When you buy things just to flirt with the man selling it you may not actually be interested in the item and you will abandon it.

8. Don’t say something is “totes cray cray” even if you are James Van Der Beek.

9. Don’t film a movie where an adult male has to switch bodies with a teenage girl. It will be a train reck.

10. Continue watching Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23.

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