My Life as Comedy Hour: Why I Casually Quit My Job at 23

The majority of twentysomethings entering the real world as a terrified young professional don’t love their first jobs; hell, most people don’t even like them! The majority can make it through a year, while others (like me) pray to God they can make it through the day. I am one of the lucky souls who discovered early on that they were trapped inside an office that was actually hell on earth and was able to get the fuck out of there.

If you can relate to these 5 situations, you should probably quit your job:

1. Getting Shit Thrown at You: It really makes no difference what the “misdeed” was that your boss took such offense to; it never gives them the write to hurl inanimate objects at you. I understand that sending certain gifts to important individuals requires a beautiful packing job with the utmost attention to detail. Oh wait, your boss isn’t happy with your package? Shocker. How does she handle it? By shaking the bag at you like a fussy baby shaking it’s goddamn rattle until you get the picture: not pleased. Got it? K, cool, because now I am going to throw the entire bag of rudely heavy objects at you so that you can crawl back to your desk and re do it. Ta-ta!
2. Getting Told You are a “Hindrance” on a Semi–Regular Basis: I don’t care how strong you are, a person can only take so much before they break. Getting told multiple times a week how burdensome you are to your boss’s life is not fun, especially when you actually put effort into the work you do. It’s petty and classless, if you have an issue, try resolving it through whatever form of passive aggressive medium you would like.

**A note to all you employers out there: the intercom is not for torture. Buzzing someone after they send you an email and simply saying “You really need to stop making my life more difficult and start making it easier” and hanging up, is NOT the most efficient way to handle your problems**

 3. Working a CABILLION Hours for Approximately No Money: I’m going to let you in on a little secret: if you are making less than you would at McDonald’s and aren’t obsessed with your job, there’s something wrong with you. There are some companies out there who use overtime as playtime. Do they pay you double for those after work hours? HAHA that’s funny. Absolutely not! You get paid 0 dollars and 0 cents. If you average out all the hours you work and see that you make an average of less than minimum wage, you should accept the fact that you are officially the company’s bitch.

4. No Lunch, No Problem: If your company doesn’t let you take a lunch break without punishing you for it – without a doubt you need to get the fuck out of there. Most normal people need some type of time off during the day, and most normal people call this time lunch. If you take a lunch break (probably because you need to cry without your coworkers seeing you) and A. Your boss yells at you upon your return and B.  You end up having to make up all those minutes you were gone after hours, just stop. Literally, just stop – pack your bags and leave because this is the worst work environment ever.

5. Saturdays and Sundays: I get that there are going to be exceptions to the normal workweek, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. HOWEVER: if you are slaving away every weekend, while getting chewed up and spit on by your boss email after email there are a lot of red flags. Did you want to throw away your weekends? If so – you are an absolute lunatic. If not – you probably never received the memo that after you accepted this job offer you would never have a life again.

Maybe I just had a really bad experience working for Satan and her spawn, but I feel like I can’t be the only one out here!

 Please feel free to tell us about your first job experiences in the comments!