Pretty Little Liars Recap: Spencer is an Idiot and Ali is Tupac

You may be asking yourself what happened on last night’s PLL… but what you should really be asking yourself what DIDN’T happen. Each of the girls had their own stuff going on. Em had some flashbacks. Hannah went to a barn. Aria learned what it was like to spend time with a boy her own age. And Spencer was… a moron. Here are our thoughts from last night’s episode:

Emily remembers some stuff.

Emily, who is all sorts of fucked up, went to see Dr. Sullivan because she was having trouble getting over the fact she killed someone. #TeenageGirlProblems. Because of Emily’s really intense and killer (literally) monologue, D-Sull decided to give her ‘hypnotherapy,’ but while hypnotized Em remembered shit that didn’t even happen. Well – some of it did… she just casually mixed up ‘nightmares’ (aren’t nightmares things that don’t actually happen?) and saw herself killing Ali. Later, she remembered that she was actually picturing the night she got blackout and hung out at Ali’s grave with the murder weapon. So basically, if I want to remember what I did when I was blackout, I just have to get hypnotherapy? Please remind me never to get hypnotherapy. Em remembered seeing a blonde girl in a red coat at the grave… and told all the girls that SHE is the one in charge. Well… who is she, you ask? It’s got to be Ali or a hologram of Ali or her twin, duh. Hannah is the only one that realizes this, but of course everyone thinks she’s just being Miley Hannah… AKA a moron. Emily has another Ali flashback in the episode thanks to a postcard of the Eiffel Tower she received from A. Ali was like a straight up lesbian with Emily and they wanted to go to Paris together. Oh, and the postcard said ‘Stop digging, the police already know that you are capable of murder.’ Digging? Murder weapon? Is that a pun or a literal term? Anyone? Anyway – did Emily know Ali was pregnant and hit her with the shovel the night she died? She did mix up TWO nightmares… But we only know what went down in one of the nightmares. What happened between the two the night Ali died?

Spencer has cracked… again.

I thought Spencer was out of control last week, but this week she was like ten times worse. She spent the majority of the episode moping around looking at old pictures of her and Toby (What was with that elaborately crafted Valentine? Who does that?) and the other half failing at being a detective. Miles Corwin P.I. even thought Spencer was an idiot. He basically tried to talk her out of paying him more money to follow Toby by telling her that from what he saw, Toby seemed like a good guy. Apparently Toby was spotting buying a whole lot of hydrangeas. Hmm. Well since he broke up with you, Spencer, I highly doubt he bought you a bunch of flowers. He hasn’t given them to you yet so they’re probably dead by now… Spencer of course had Miles look up where that A key came from after this and she was obv disappointed when she found a completely empty room with holes all over the walls. Did she REALLY think she was going to find a room full of hydrangeas?! Go back to the 1800s Spencer. Also, did anyone else think the ‘encouragement’ Miles Corwin needed to find out where the A key came from was sexual? Because I did. And I was really upset when I found out it wasn’t. $500 to follow around an ex-boyfriend. Miles def thinks Spencer is pathetic. And finally – WHY would she key Tobys’ mom’s grave? I think that’s taking this a BIT too far. Don’t ya, Spence?

Detective Hannah: Take 2

Hannah might act like the dumbest one in the group, but she is really the smartest. In addition to figuring out Ali might still be kickin’ it, she figured out who Caleb’s real dad might just be: his Uncle. How awesome fucked up! After finding out Caleb’s childhood home is going to be torn down, him and Hannah take a trip there to see if he wants any of his old stuff. Why in the world was Hannah wearing overalls and a plaid shirt? I know they were in a barn, but really? While there, Hannah asked Uncle Daddy Jamie a million questions about Caleb’s dad and before they leave he gives her a baby pic of Caleb that came from his wallet. He also asks how Caleb is doing like five times. He’s clearly fine. Bitch drives a ‘cedes. Anyway – This all went down in one garage. How did Caleb not realize this was going on? He had to live in his high school at one point. Why would he want Hannah talking to a man who didn’t try to save him from that? Anyway, Hannah realized Jamie is probably Caleb’s dad, but he doesn’t believe her. Dun, dun, dun… what an unfortunate side story that I don’t care about… IS ALI STILL ALIVE? That’s the real question my friends.

Aria and Little Fitz

Another unfortunate side story that I’m really not feeling right now. Ezra left to go see his child that he never knew about, and his statutory girlfriend of course felt the need to keep tabs on his apartment while he was gone. Did Ezra even say she could do that? Little Fitz also showed up to Ezra’s apartment and told Aria to stay with him. While the two were out getting coffee, a man in the street punched him. Casual. When Little Fitz told her that man is his physics teacher’s husband, she asks ‘What kind of school do you go to?‘ Umm, what kind of school do YOU go Aria? Really? Also, two words: your. dad. Anyway, of course Little Fitz went after his teacher because that’s what the Fitz’s and Montgomery’s do… Go after people no where near their age. Little Fitz and Aria seem to be getting along pretty well, though. I spy a budding romance. He even said the nicest thing Aria has ever heard: ‘You’re the most amazing part of this. And that’s why my mother hates you.’ It’s love. It’s love. It’s LOVE. Or is it? Also, who says ‘mother?’

Other shAt

Ali’s remains are released to her family, so she has yet ANOTHER funeral-type thing. What was this place she was buried in? Why are people not in the ground? Why is it so pretty? Why is no one wearing black? Why are the only people there Jason, Aria, Emily, Hannah, and (kind of) Spencer? I’m confused. The funeral is ruined when Spencer tells Jason Ali died while pregnant with Wilden’s baby. But, like, you don’t even know that for a fact Spencer. And why does that make you so angry? Are you jealous? Did you like Wilden? Get over it. Jason didn’t even sound very surprised meaning he is either a very bad actor… or he already knew.

Mona gave Dr. Sullivan’s flowers. There must be a camera in there. D-Sull knows Mona is not to be trusted.

A is buying alc. Who’s ID is it?! Is it a fake? Or is someone older than 21 on the A team? Ahh.

My theory: Ali is to Rosewood as Tupac is to the rap game: Possibly not dead and still running shit. Perhaps Ali had a twin (like in the books) and the twin resented her and her friends … and now that Ali is dead, she is back for REVENGE. Or Ali’s twin took her place when she was younger and now the real Ali is back also for revenge. IDK. What do you think? I mean, the real Ali couldn’t hate her friends this much right? Unless, as I said above, Emily tried to kill her for getting pregs with a boy because they were supposed to be lovers… But no one knows that. And doesn’t everyone hate the liars because they associated with Ali? I don’t get it. Wahhhhhhhhh. What do you think? Post in the comments!