I would like to introduce a new section of Forever Twenty Somethings – Questions for a Twenty Something! These are our first two questions & responses. If you would like to submit a question about life after college (dating, career, health, money, friends, ANYTHING), please email one to firstname.lastname@example.org, comment on this post, or send us your question on Twitter @forever20tweets or Facebook. Thanks!
1. I really like this guy and we’ve been “hanging out” for almost a year. We go out for drinks, hang out on weekends during the day, and sleep together. I’ve asked where this is going and he just says “he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.” What should I do?
Well, my friend, you have gotten yourself into a situation – a situation we like to call “The F Buddy.” When a guy wants to be with you, he’ll be with you… unless of course you don’t want to be with him. But if he’s actually interested in you, he will take you out on dates, not want you hooking up with anyone else, and eventually ask you to be his girlfriend – whether he “wants a girlfriend” or not. By letting him hook up with you and accepting the fact that it’s not going anywhere, you are basically allowing him to live the single guy’s dream… An uncommitted relationship where he can have someone he knows he can always hook up with – but can also hook up and talk to other girls. He doesn’t have to talk to you before you go to bed and he doesn’t have to text you good morning when he wakes up. It’s his perfect situation, but is it yours? If you say yes, it won’t be a good situation when he finds a girl he wants to be with and suddenly stops talking to you. You can’t just hook up with your friends! One person always gets attached and it never ends well. The fact he might not want to be in a relationship with you is nothing against you. He is obviously attracted to you, but not everyone cliques and can actually have a serious relationship. Having that connection with someone is very rare and hard to find… If it wasn’t, there probably wouldn’t be so many online dating sites, divorces, break ups, and single people. Think about it. Anyway, you are pretty much losing out on meeting a guy who will actually want to take you to a nice dinner, introduce you to his parents, and tell you he loves you. The longer you keep this going, the longer you will lose out from actually being single. Tell him that its either you date or you’re done and see what his reaction is – although, by now you should probably just say goodbye. If you are “meant to be,” you’ll know when he gets super jealous of your new single life and comes running after you and tells you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you (AKA When Harry Met Sally)… but things don’t usually happen like that in reality… I know you probably won’t take my advice even though you asked the question… Unfortunately, you really have to go through the devastation yourself to learn what you should do. Good luck!
2. I finally got offered a job after months of looking, and after working for a few months I am confident that I do not like it! I really thought that it was what I wanted to do, but I am realizing that I don’t know what I want to do anymore… I really hate it and dread going to work every day. Should I quit???
No! Don’t quit. In this economy, you are lucky to even have a job. I don’t know whether this is a part or full time job – salaried or hourly – but regardless, you should not quit! Instead, you should look for another job in your free time and really think about what you want to do with your life. Maybe its the company, the environment at the company, or the people that you don’t like. Don’t give up on what you went to college for a few months after you’ve been working… unless you’ve dabbled in another field and realized that is what you want to do instead. Just keep your eye out, apply to jobs, and go on any interviews that come your way. You might not know it, but you are in a great situation right now. Employers like to hire people that are currently working rather than the unemployed – and while other people spend their days lying in bed, watching daytime TV, making/saving no money, and applying to jobs… you are getting experience (professional experience if its not experience in the field you want to go into), building your resume, making/saving money, and applying to jobs. If you really hate it that much, then maybe you will get laid off and collect unemployment checks… but seriously, don’t quit your job. Eventually you’ll be doing something you want to do – you have to do the bitch work for a while though. I mean, let’s be serious – you’re a 20 something recent college grad… You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.