When I was 25, I only drank red bull vodka. I think it was because I was really tired from being 24, but still wanted to act like I was 23. Because of this, I drank energy drinks mixed with hard liquor in order to keep myself from falling asleep at the bar. It wasn’t good, but luckily I figured that out. And as soon as I turned 26, it was goodbye RBVs and hello wine. Then I turned 27, and it was hello couch, because no one wanted to go out anymore. Sigh.

Back to being 25. This age was a struggle. I was in the middle of a severe quarter life crisis. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live, what I wanted to do for a career, who I wanted to be with, and who I wanted to be friends with. It was a lot, and it made me tired.

Now, at age 28, I’m not sure why I was freaking out so much at 25. I wasn’t old. I was YOUNG. I feel like 25 was the beginning – not the middle, and certainly not the end. It’s funny how three years later, I am having the same freak outs once again, thinking this is ‘the end.’ Please someone write in the comments telling me how young I am and how 28 is actually the beginning (someone, please, really, I beg).

I thought I was SO OLD at 25, and that the only way I could get through a night out was by drinking red bull vodka. I drank it all the time, even though I knew it was kind of dangerous and usually didn’t end well for me.

One night, for example, I was in a caffeinated frenzy running around at a bar. The next thing I knew, I woke up on my bedroom floor on a pile of clothes that I had taken out of one of my dresser drawers to throw up in. Why did I throw up in the dresser drawer? Why didn’t I go to the bathroom? Why didn’t I sleep in my bed? These are all great questions that I cannot answer because red bull vodka literally stole my memory.

This *may* have been the lowest point in life thus far, excluding the time I slept through a fire alarm sophomore year of college and the RA came in to find me covered in throw up. Mind you, she slow faded right out of my room and pretended she didn’t see anything. #College. There was also the time I put a bagel in the microwave for 10 minutes freshman year, leading to the fire alarm going off on the school’s first snow day in like 1,000 years. Side note: my lowest point ever may actually have been eating bagels.

Regardless of what takes the victory for my lowest life point, many of my nights spent drinking RBVs fall somewhere in the top 10.

At 28, I certainly don’t go out as much as I did when I was 25, but I don’t need red bull vodka to get me through a night out. Some nights when I’m not tired, I can start drinking semi-early and hang until late. Maybe I’ll start with a wine. Maybe I’ll chill with a cider. Maybe I’ll dabble in a spiked seltzer. Maybe I’ll get really crazy and have a a mixed vodka drink (or two, or five). Whatever the case, all of these things taste good and make me a normal drunk – two thinks RBVs did not.

This may all be because red bull vodkas are apparently just as bad for you as cocaine. So drinking 5-6 RBVs in one night could possibly be equivalent to a shit ton of cocaine, and well, that’s probably not great.

If you’re in the middle of a quarter life crisis – whether you’re 22, 25, 28, 30, or 35, don’t use red bull vodka to make you more energized when you find yourself out and tired AF. Just, like, sit down. Or go home. There’s no reason to force yourself into staying out when you’re not feeling it. Especially if you’re going to drink RBVs and become a hot mess.

Tbh, a night on the couch binge watching a TV show on Netflix is infinitely better than waking up sick after a night spent black out, making a fool out of yourself, with 0-40% memory of what happened the night before. I’m 28 and wise now, so you should probably listen to me.




Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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