So You Got Laid Off, Now What?

Here is a fool proof guide to getting you back on your feet.

1. Drink Wine. Wine makes everything better. If the wine doesn’t help and you feel worse, don’t worry you’ll pass out any minute now.

2. Drink more wine. Listen, you’re emotional. You feel lost and you don’t know where to begin so naturally the answer is and will always be wine. So drink up.

3. File for Unemployment. Yes, it sucks, the questions are weirdly written and you feel like a scum bug but you’re in need and that’s what unemployment is there for. Suck it up and go to the Career Center Seminar, even if you feel like you are attending an AA meeting for the terminally un-hireable.

4. Start your job search. This is your chance to find a job that you actually want. Try not to obsess, its easy to sit on your couch with your laptop all day and feel under qualified for every job you come across but there is something out there for you. I promise.

5. Stop taking your layoff personally. You didn’t do anything wrong and millennials everywhere are getting the boot. It happens. So buck up, face facts, and start networking.

6. Maintain a routine. Don’t allow yourself to sleep in until 11am every morning. You are just going to feel like a slug and no one wants to hire a slimy, shell-less terrestrial gastropod mollusc. Get up, grab a coffee, search for jobs for a few hours while munching on your chocolate chip muffin. Then, go for a jog and by all means keep your your apartment/condo/house clean. No one wants to hire a slob.

7. Be prepared. There will be peaks and valleys so don’t forget to always have a fridge full of wine or at the very least hard cider. You got this, you are smart, qualified and a real professional catch. I promise you will have an easier time finding a new job than finding a new boyfriend.

8. Don’t be so hard on yourself. People call it funemployment for a reason. Stay optimistic. Don’t go out and spend all your savings on brand name duds but try not to wallow in self pity.

9. Put yourself out there. Network on LinkedIn and don’t be embarrassed to reach out to your friends and family. Sure, its embarrassing to explain to people that you had to pack all your personal belongings in a white banker’s box but you never know who might have a possible job opportunity for you.

10. Remain positive. Remember, unemployment can happen to anyone. It happened to me last Thursday. Soo… if you know of any jobs, hook a sistah up, would ya?

Long story short, don’t panic, you will be back on your feet in no time. And if not, there is always wine.