40 Songs The College Class Of 2017 Listened To In Middle School—Because You’re Old

I’ve really come to terms with the fact that I am now an old soul compared to those in college, and even those right out of college. It has helped to remind myself that I still much younger than people older than me. Side note: I moonlight as captain obvious.

Regardless of my recent “I am only 28, I am still young, okay?” revelation, there are still things that make me feel really, super old. Some examples include: Going to my 17-year-old brother’s prom picture (that was V scary). Using teen slang like ‘V’ and ‘low-key’ and ‘lit’ and then realizing I sound like a fucking moron. When the internet celebrates 20th anniversaries of things like The Spice Girls and Nsync. All of these things make me panic for a sec, but then I remind myself: you blacked out two weekends ago and ate Chinese food at 3am. You might have a drinking problem, but you’re not old.

BUT THEN I unintentionally went on this 2009 music binge on Spotify listening to songs from my college years and it hit me… The people graduating from college next month (the class of 2017) was listening to this shit in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Yes, that’s right. Instead of screaming the words to ‘Lady Marmalade’ and slow dancing to Nsync’s ‘This I Promise You,’ these almost-adults were grinding (if they even still do that these days! they probably do something even worse, the HORROR!) to ‘Blame It (On The Alcohol)’ by Jamie Foxx and dancing to Queen Bey’s ‘Single Ladies.’

Want to know something even more horrifying? They spent 5th grade listening to ‘The Whisper Song’ and rapping ‘I’m looking for a dime,’ and the rest of their single digit years consisted of listening to J-Kwon and 50 Cent. OH. And songs we listened to AFTER graduating college? They listened to those in high school. OH MY GOD, BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

Now – get ready for it – THESE PEOPLE ARE COMING TO A CUBICLE NEAR YOU AS EARLY AS THIS MAY.

Oh my god. How. Why. What. How did we get to here? Why are we so old? What is happening?

Here are 40 songs the college class of 2017 listened to at middle school dances, because your college nostalgia is their childhood nostalgia. God help us all.

6th grade

1. Sexyback – Justin Timberlake

2. Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’) – T-Pain ft Young Joc

3. Umbrella – Rihanna ft Jay-Z

4. What Goes Around…Comes Around – JT

5. I Wanna F*ck You – Akon ft Snoop Dogg

6. Glamorous – Fergie ft Ludacris

7. Smack That – Akon ft Eminem

8. The Sweet Escape – Gwen Stefani ft Akon

9. Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie

10. Make It Rain – Fat Joe ft Lil Wayne

7th grade

11. Crank That (Soulja Boy) – Soulja Boy Tell Em

12. Kiss Kiss – Chris Brown ft T-Pain

13. Low – Flo Rida ft T-Pain

14. Paper Planes – M.I.A.

15. A Milli – Lil Wayne

16. Lollipop – Lil Wayne

17. Got Money – Lil Wayne

18. American Boy – Estelle ft Kanye West

19. Just Dance – Lady Gaga

20. Good Life – Kanye West

21. Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) – Wyclef Jean ft Akon, Lil Wayne, & Niia

22. Stronger – Kanye West

23. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

24. I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

8th grade

25. Justin Bieber – One Time

26. Single Ladies – Beyonce

27. Best I Ever Had – Drake

28. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) – Pitbull

29. Live Your Life – T.I.

30. Right Round – Flo Rida

31. Blame It – Jamie Foxx

32. Poker Face – Lady Gaga

33. Beautiful – Akon

34. Boom Boom Pow -Black Eyed Peas

35. Whatever You Like – T.I.

36. Forever – Chris Brown

37. Love Story – Taylor Swift

38. Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship

39. Watcha Say – Jason Derulo

40. Fire Burning – Sean Kingston