When you were younger it was so important to have the love of someone else. Someone to prove that you were likeable, cool, or even good looking. But when those are your main goals in a relationship, you will never truly experience love.

When I was younger, I just wanted people to like me. I wanted to be considered normal, attractive, and like everyone else. I was so self conscious and never thought I was good enough. As I started to get older, I realized that it was more important to be loved for me, and not for the things that I appeared to be.

One day, I decided that I wanted to be loved for not being ordinary, for my quirky smile and my nerdy side. But, I’ll be honest, this took a very long time for me to realize. Just about five years ago, I found that kind of love. Like heart stopping, I want to binge watch Netflix with you, kind of love. I found someone who loves every goofy bone in my body, my drool stained face in the morning, and my uniqueness. Someone who loves me. However, I would have never been able to hold on to this relationship without learning to love myself first.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in all the things you’re not. I’m not pretty enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not exotic looking, I’m boring. The hard work is being able to look at yourself in the mirror and be comfortable with your reflection. Appreciate yourself for who you are and not what you’re not. I am still very self conscious, every day is a struggle but you have to take steps towards self love in order to receive love.

The first step to loving yourself is ridding yourself of the toxic people in your life. Start to distance yourself from friends that bring you down. People that make you feel like you aren’t enough and don’t appreciate you. Negative energy is just going to bring you down and its time to climb up, baby.

Secondly, take care of yourself. You have but one life and it’s time to live it! Be healthy, active and learn to love your body. Dress in ways that compliment your assets or hit the gym for the endorphins. Endorphins equals happiness people.

Step three: Positive Mental Attitude. If you think positive, you will be positive. Tell yourself you are awesome. If you go on a bad date, instead of blaming yourself, tell yourself it’s his/her loss. Don’t settle for people below you. If they don’t appreciate you for you, why would you want to be with that person? Stop trying to change yourself to fit someone else’s idea of perfect.

Numero cuatro. Stop caring about what people think. No one’s opinion matters but your own. If you want to dye your hair purple, do it. If you want to get tattoos, do it. If you want to sing karaoke, don’t let anything stop you. Don’t let judgement, fear, doubt, or mean spirited people get in your way. It’s time to tell all those people to kiss your ass and let your freak flag fly.

#5. Appreciate yourself. Value your curves, your scars and your flaws. Treasure your crooked nose, bubble butt and small lips. Respect your thighs, tooth gap and freckles. These are all the things that make you, you, that make you different from the next person. And don’t forget to appreciate your sense of humor, your curly hair and your weird toes.

Last, but not least, have fun! Life is too short to be wrapped up in the mistakes you’ve made and the opportunities you’ve missed. Live your life! Carpe that fucking diem. Go out with your friends. Get too drunk. Be silly. Be a couch potato on a Sunday and don’t feel guilty about it. Do what you want, this is your life after all.

Feeling better already? Good! You are steps closer to loving yourself. Of course, things aren’t going to change over night but remember, that you are good enough, you are special and you are worthy of love. You’re god damn awesome!


Erin Jean is a Boston based smart mouth who lives in suburbia with her kick-ass husband, yes you read that correctly, I'm a married woman, people! She graduated from Endicott College in 2010 with a degree in Contemporary Journalism. She loves tattoos, writing, and slush (it’s an addiction people). When she is not working for the man, she is riding on the back of motorcycles, online shopping, and reminiscing about her younger years. A typical week consists of watching too much Bad Girls Club, mentally preparing for a zombie apocalypse, and trying to get a body like Mila Kunis (please insert laughter here). Feel free to stalk her life via pictures @mrsbadnews13 or on twitter @erinlissa

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