Super Bowl XLIV is upon us and whether you’re rooting for the Patriots, the Seahawks, or neither, chances are you’re going to attend some sort of Super Bowl party because that’s, like, the American thing to do. Super Bowl parties are basically the same everywhere. You have the people there to watch the game, the people there to eat the food, the people there to annoy the f*ck out of you, and more. Below you will fine 17 different types of people who will probably be at your Super Bowl party. Which one are you?
1. The person who has no idea what’s going on. Who’s winning the match?
2. The silent girlfriend. Maybe she knows what’s going on in the game, maybe she has no idea. Maybe she cares about the outcome, maybe she doesn’t give a shit. You would never know because she has not said a word. Nor has she eaten anything. She’s there because her man is. #Sportz
3. The one there for the food. Which is all of this. We are all everywhere for the food. But this is the person who makes this fact known. What’s the score? They don’t know because they’re too busy circling the kitchen waiting for the pigs in a blanket to be done.
4. The silent and violent one. They sit silently watching the game, except when something bad happens to their team. Then they scream. They may also punch a wall or two. At least this person is entertaining. You never know when they’re going to strike.
5. The gambler. They’ve got a lot of money on this game, and they’re not going to let you forget that.
6. The one who is bored. They are just so totally over this game, and this party. YAWN.
7. The one who keeps winning squares that literally knows nothing about football. They just put their initials in a couple random squares. Now they are taking home your money. Great.
8. The one there for the commercials. They “shhhhh” everyone once the game goes to commercial break. Like, don’t you all get it? The Super Bowl commercials are the best commercials ever.
9. The one live tweeting. They’ll be on their phone the whole time giggling to themselves. They aren’t actually watching the game with the people at their party. They’re watching the game with everyone on the internet. Cyber friends over everything.
10. The one rooting for the team everyone else is rooting against. Why are you even here? ~*Dare to be different*~
11. The one who won’t shut up. This is a football game, not a social gathering. We’re trying to watch a game here…
12. The one who is on a diet and therefore will not eat any food. They almost make you feel bad about yourself as you binge on chips and guac. Almost.
13. The one freaking out about the halftime show. And they won’t let you forget about Beyonce’s performance circa 2013. Ever.
14. The trash talker. Okay we get it. You really want your team to win. But enough with the trash talking already? It’s getting annnoyyyyyying.
15. The one who is wasted. They are probably also the only one at the party who is blackout status. Everyone else is playing it casual because… Sunday.
16. The one who isn’t drinking because they have work tomorrow. Oh, so does everyone else. Get over it.
17. The know it all. Because no one knows as much about football (and maybe even the production of the commercials, and also the half time show) than the know it all.