The 6 Stages of ‘Facebooking’ In Your 20s

There are many things that are part of a 20-something’s daily routine. Eating, sleeping, working, working out, texting, and – of course – Facebooking. Not all 20-somethings are on Facebook, and of the ones that are – not all of them use Facebook. But if we’re being serious, probably 90% of 20-somethings have and use Facebook. Facebook has been around for the entirety of our 20s and the way we use it has certainly changed through the years. For the majority of us, here are the 6 stages of Facebooking you will probably go through in your 20s. Which stage are you in?

1. Friending (Everyone): Facebook was the bane of our existence in college. Not only could you ‘keep in touch’ with friends from home without actually speaking to them or asking them questions… you could figure out who you wanted to be friends with simply by comparing said person’s music interest to yours and scanning their Facebook pictures for good looking, nicely dressed people holding red solo cups and/or beer cans. You wrote on walls a lot – like maybe 10 or more times a day. You did this instead of texting because you wanted everyone to see how many friends you had and how many inside jokes you had. You wanted people to think you were cool and you used Facebook instead of of your awesome personality to do that.

2. Stalking: Whenever bored, you can always rely on Facebook for entertainment. Whether it be in the form of pictures, new relationships, shocking break ups, or ‘so and so writing on so and so’s wall’… it’s interesting. When bored, you sit on your computer for hours checking out ‘that girl’s pictures who is friends with those guys you kind of know.’ You go through the album trying to find yourself, your ex, your current hook up, or friend’s current hookup in the background of her basement party pics from last weekend. Eventually, you look at every single album of interest to you and run out of people to stalk. You get bored. But you still spend even more hours stalking on your couch with your friends stalking on the couch next to you. People rarely speak unless they find an interesting and/or incriminating picture of someone worth talking about. And then everyone gathers around that person’s MacBook like it’s a once in a lifetime newscast. It is a ritual that should probably not be spoken of – but here I am writing about it. Oh well. It happens.

3. Addiction: If you were addicted to Facebook before, now it’s even worse. You now have no idea how to live your life without Facebook. The Internet is down? F*ck this paper I have to get done for school or the emails I have to send for work. I need to check my mother f*cking newsfeed. Like how does life go on without letting everyone know your internet is down via your status? How does life go on not knowing if that guy you met once at a bar is checking in anywhere? You are lost without Facebook. You FB chat with people instead of texting. You message people when you don’t feel like having an actual conversation with someone, but need to know something. You check in wherever you go. You check where other people are checked in to see if anyone is at the same bar as you. You constantly update your status with song lyrics for certain people even though it’s not actually to anyone… or with smiley faces and a sentence about how AWESOME your life is (be jealous). And to avoid making eye contact with people when bored (especially on public transportation), you repetitively refresh your newsfeed reading the same posts over and over again.

4. Depression: After years of staring at the same screen and the same people, you become so bored with it that you get upset… especially after graduating college. Everyone looks like they’re having so much fun on your newsfeed… except you of course. Everyone seems to go out SO much more than you and everyone has SO many friends. Except you. She’s working there?! He’s dating her?? She’s moving where?! And I’m still living in the place I did before I went to college making basically no money and barely going out anymore. SOUND FAMILIAR? Well my friends, your life is just as good as everyone else’s if not better. People are probably jealous of things you have going on right now on Facebook. It’s just that if you try really hard, you can make your life look awesome via the internet whether it is or is not. But you still get upset. Especially when you see younger people putting up statuses about going out, being young, still having lots of friends, and (ugh) going back to school.

5. De-Friending: After collecting hundreds upon hundreds of friends through the years, you finally realize ‘wow, I either dislike or do not know half of these people.’ You scan through your ‘friends’ deleting those you became friends with the Summer before college that you never spoke to. You delete the random kids from high school that post statuses using terms such as ‘hmu‘ and ‘lms.’ You debate deleting the guys you hooked up with and/or dated in the past, but then you don’t because you don’t want them to think you’re thinking about them… Even though they are most likely thinking the same thing OR don’t remember your name. You debate deleting that girl you talked to occasionally in school, but then you don’t because her pictures are just so interesting (why is she so rich?). So that friend purge you just said you were going on has now been ruined because of the fear of losing touch with someone and their photos. I mean, how are you going to stalk that guy you’re not friends with who is friends with the girl you’re friends with on FB (but seriously – we talk like this. why?)… Maybe next time you’ll get rid of them all. But it’s doubtful.

6. Adulthood: After a while, Facebook gets boring. Or maybe YOU get boring. You’re taking less pictures – and you’re in less pictures – because you’re getting older and not going out as much. When you do go out, you’re engaging in conversation and enjoying your time with people rather than running around stalking people with your camera. You use your phone as your camera now too, meaning no more creative album titles featuring rap lyrics. Instead, you upload a pic or two while at the bar (after instagramming them of course) and name the album ‘mobile uploads’ (or if you think your funny, ‘muploads’). You don’t write on walls anymore because if you need to talk to someone, you’ll text, call, or email them. There’s no need to post inside jokes on walls because that’s immature (and/or you don’t have any). You post informative, interesting, and/or funny articles on your ‘timeline’… and MAYBE you will post an article on someone’s wall if you think they really deserve it. You still look forward to getting ‘happy birthday’ wall posts, but you know you don’t deserve them because you don’t write on other peoples’ walls for their birthdays anymore. Oh and you try not to pay attention to people you aren’t friends with (and those who annoy you) on your newsfeed by either blocking or defriending them. You’re old. And you can tell even more so when going through your timeline starting in 2005 – but who has time for that anymore anyway?!