Do you ever feel like you should completely start over? Like, move somewhere new, make all new friends, get a new job, make a new life, and just start over. What about doing it all over again? Do you ever wish you could fast forward back a couple years and just do it all over again, differently. Give yourself the chance to move somewhere new, date more people, experience new things, reinvent yourself.
If you feel or have ever felt that way, chances are you are not alone.
I’ve always occasionally had these thoughts, but recently I started feeling like this on and off more than ever before. Ever since I turned 26 it’s been one minute all smiles and the next minute complete depression constantly.
One minute I’m bored, one minute I’m stressed, one minute I’m ahead of the game, one minute I’m falling behind, one minute I think everyone loves me, one minute I’m almost positive everyone hates me, one minute everything feels right, one minute it all feels wrong. Life lately has been a roller coaster of both emotions and no emotions all the time.
I’ve tried blaming my recent bad moods and desire to do nothing except sit on the couch on the weather. I’ve said that maybe things would be different if it was summer and there weren’t subzero temperatures outside and there wasn’t one hundred inches of snow outside (I’m not exaggerating — I live in Boston). And hey – maybe it would be different. But then I think back to when I went to college in Ithaca, NY five years ago. I used to stroll around outside walking to parties and bars in dresses sans tights in subzero temperatures. That being said, something about me is definitely different now.
Back then I had severe FOMO – AKA the fear of missing out. But now, I just fear being hungover for entire weekend days and not being able to workout or get my errands done. Even when I do partake in relaxing evenings in and am productive during my weekend days, I am still not happy. It’s like I want to revert back to my old days of constant partying with 20-30 people every weekend, but I also don’t want to do that. I’m unhappy either way. I can’t win.
When it comes down to it, I’ve figured out that the main problem is “change.” The main problem is ALWAYS change. Which I guess is not exactly a problem — it’s just something that happens. The problem is adjusting to change and accepting it for what it is.
People hate change. Whether it’s dealing with a breakup, employee restructuring in the office, or a friend’s decision to move away from you, change is never easy. It can cause stress, depression, and anxiety. But life always goes on. When you learn how to deal and accept whatever the change is, life always figures itself out. Everything comes together according to whatever your current situation is. One of those situations being my current struggle to adjust to my changing personality.
Unfortunately, I’m no longer in the early part of my 20s. I’m now edging closer to 30 and things in turn are going to change because of that. It wouldn’t be normal if I was still acting like a crazy 21 year old binge drinking captain and coke or red bull vodkas in excess multiple days a week. However, it also wouldn’t be normal if I just stopped socializing and going out all together.
So I’m going to go out less and so is everyone else. But just because I stayed in two weekends in a row and feel like I haven’t seen the majority of my friends in ages, that doesn’t mean I don’t have friends anymore. It’s not like “everyone is going out without me.” No one is really going out that much anymore either. The best part: if I really wanted to go out, I could. The ball is in my court now. FOMO isn’t knocking down my door forcing me to go out when I’m tired. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. And that will just make my social life that much more special.
The key to dealing with change is finding a happy medium and accepting life for what it is. There’s no point to dwelling on the past wondering if you should have “lived more” and if you should have, for instance, taken a job in another city to increase your life experiences. Everything happens for a reason.
Although I don’t feel like it, I’m still young. I’m only 26. I only graduated college five years ago. Although my desires are changing on their own, I still have the ability to change my life myself according to those new desire, and then change my life again because I know that I’m only going to continue to change because that’s life. After all, life would be pretty boring without change, so I guess for now I’ll embrace it.