The Post-Grad Burn Book: 4. Cold Offices

Why is it always cold in the office? And not just the office I’m currently sitting in right now. I mean all offices. Everywhere. Every single office I’ve ever been in is freezing… Whether it’s Summer and the temps are rising above 100 outside or it’s Winter and my breath is turning to ice in the parking lot, the office is always an effing ice box.

Is it because the cold makes us more alert? Is it because shivering in our cubes makes us want to write more emails? Is it because companies are trying to save money? Or no, because they’re cranking the AC in a heatwave? Whatever the reason, it makes no sense and it makes me mad.

But I’m still here. Not doing anything about it.

I don’t remember high school being this cold. Or middle school. Or elementary school. Or even class during college. In fact, I remember it being so hot inside the classroom that I needed to dress like a borderline slut in order to not get pit stains and/or drip sweat on my seat. I remember constantly having pit stains despite any of this and being embarrassed. Thank God for travel sized deod.

Because of the fear of sweat, you would think that being cold in your office is way better than frying in your cube… but no. The office is never cold.  Cold is do-able. The office is instead FREEZING. Like, ice box status freezing. And during the Summer, it makes you feel like it’s not even Summer. It makes you feel like you’re missing out on having a Summer (like you did before you graduated) because it’s Winter every day in the office. You might as well hang Christmas decor all over because that’s what it feels like.

Now we can sit around and brainstorm ways to make our work experience not as chilly. We could sneak over to the AC and compromise by turning it half as cold. We could ask a person of power to turn down the AC. We can ‘layer up’ and wear pants and cardigans. But you won’t do any of this because 1. you would probably get fired for touching the AC (if you even know where it is), 2. you are a twentysomething and therefore no one of power will listen to you and 3. it’s summer and the idea of wearing long sleeves is unheard of.

I have thought about solving this problem with a space heater. The problem with this is that I don’t own a space heater and I don’t intend to run out and buy one myself. They cost money and that is something I don’t have enough of. With the extra money I do have, I’m going to buy clothes and alcohol – not a space heater. Let’s be serious. And those who actually do have space heaters are not going to let me borrow theirs because they are freezing too. However, if they are not in the office, hello space heater (JK lol). But being in the office alone by yourself is rare. So basically, I’m left to freeze. And no one cares.

In this situation we are screwed. And the only thing left to do is burn every last bit of cold offices. At least if we burn them, things may heat up. To warm weather, cute outfits, and warm cubes!