The Post-Grad Burn Book: 9. People Who Overshare On Facebook

Not only has Facebook changed through the years, but we have too. We’re not in high school. We’re not in college. We’re in the working world and we’re supposed to be these, like, mature adults (joke). This means our Facebook pages are also supposed to be mature… or at least more mature than they were before we graduated. No more default pics of us wearing neon tanks drenched in paint/foam. No more tagged pics of us funneling beers and doing inappropriate things with the opposite sex. In fact, no more tagged pics at all for most people (sad face). It’s not that big of a deal for us though since our lives are boring now and we don’t have any crazy pictures to post anyway. Or stories. Or dramatic statuses. But somehow post-grad 20-somethings still find a way to overshare. And it has GOT to stop.

Here are 5 examples of how we/you overshare:

1. Ultrasounds. Congrats. You’re having a child. But do you really need to be sharing pictures of your unborn baby – or what to me looks like a picture that didn’t come out on the film strip that came in your camera print’s package from 1995 – with your 500… or even worse 1,500 friends?! Probably not. Share this with your real friends in real life. Just because you have ‘friends’ on Facebook does not mean they are really your friends. So if you really feel the need to post status updates about your unborn child, defriend some people. I mean would you want to see that girl’s pregger pics that you kind of knew six years ago every day? Doubt it.

2. A play by play of your vacation while on vacation. Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m kind of a victim of this. I eat an awesome meal and instagram it because it looks cool. I sit down on my towel in front of the ocean and take a picture to later instagram to make everyone jealous. OR I see someone famous and then put it on FB immed because I, like, saw someone famous. BUT there is a big difference in posting a couple pictures here and there and documenting your ENTIRE vacation (while on vacation). This means checking in to every single restaurant, hotel, beach, store, etc you step foot in. This means posting albums full of pictures before you return home. This means lengthy statuses about your current view or your plans for the rest of the day. You’re on effing vacation. Take a break from technology and relax. It’s fine to post a status, a picture, or a check-in here and there, but leave some mystery to your life… I mean really…

3. Your relationship drama. You’re in a relationship (or not in a relationship) with one person – not your 1,000 Facebook friends. There is no need to express your feelings to this ONE person through your Facebook status. If they won’t answer you calls, e-mails, or texts take the hint and stop reaching out to them. Just because you post a FB status about your feelings toward them doesn’t mean they will read it. And if they do, it doesn’t mean they will care. If they cared, they would have already responded to you in a private manner. And if they actually do respond to your irrational behavior via FB status, they are equally as crazy… and you two either 1. belong together or 2. need to end communication ASAP because you are making each other nuts. But as you are ranting about someone you dislike via song lyrics or nasty ‘curse words’ in your status, remember those you are ‘friends’ with. Do you really want them reading this? Do you think they want to read this? Are they going to think you are the slightest bit normal after they read this? The answer is NO. Especially if you still enjoy changing ‘you’ to ‘u’ and using phrases such as ‘rofl.’ Save the drama for your phone (and not the smart part of your phone), Facebook messages, email, OR face to face communication (that was once a thing… remember?).

4. Songs you’re listening to. Why do you feel the need to sync your Spotify account with Facebook? Can’t you listen to music without telling other people what you’re listening to? If I cared what you were listening to right now at this very second I would ask. But I’m not going to. Because I don’t care. And neither does anyone else.

5. Your current score in the game you’re playing. First of all, why do you want people to know you’re constantly bored all the time and have to resort to playing games on Facebook? I’m sorry that your job is boring and you have no hobbies – but that does not mean you should be sharing with us how many animals have died on your farm and how many songs you guessed correctly. Perhaps you should try social interaction. It’s far more invigorating than staring into a phone all day (JK I stare into my phone all day too – I just don’t play games… unless it’s a new game that everyone is playing aka Words With Friends which I played for a week and then forgot about, but playing that game was okay because I didn’t have to share my scores on FB).

So, to those of you who partake in the above cyber activities, we may not have defriended you (yet), but we have probably blocked you from our newsfeed. And if we didn’t its because we sometimes enjoy seeing what you have to say and/or sometimes like glancing at your recently tagged pics. Or we haven’t figured out how to block a person from our newsfeed yet (I’m talking to you, male population). So please, for our sanity and the sanity of your ‘friends,’ please refrain from over sharing. You can still check in places, post pics, instagram your food, share witty thoughts, and occasionally let us know what you’re doing. But not all the time. The only person who should know when you’re showering is you. The only person who should know that you just threw up three times in a row and now have a horrible stomach ache is you. The only person who should know where you are and who you’re with every time you leave your bedroom is you (and the people you’re with). So until you stop oversharing your life (and fighting with your ex) on FB, we will hold a special place for you in our burn book. Please, STOP!