Innocence. Noun. Lack of guile or corruption; Purity.
I remember those days.
As a young girl in the 90s and early 2000s, I obsessed over Nsync, Britney, BSB (in secret), and 98 Degrees. I watched TRL every day and memorized lyrics to the most popular songs while doing so. In middle school, we got to showcase our song knowledge by belting out our favorite tunes as they were played over the loudspeaker. And at camp, I got to sing these same songs into a microphone during karaoke. On the bus to and from camp, school, field trips, or whatever we used to sing songs as well. Little did we know, the things we were singing were probably not the most appropriate.
We had no idea what was coming out of our mouths, but that must have been hilarious/scary to see for an adult — You know, kind of like how it’s scary to see little girls twerking. If you forget what you may or may not have been singing back in the day, here’s a reminder. You really weren’t the angel you thought you were, were you?
Semi-Charmed Life – Third Eye Blind
Lyrics: The sky was gold, it was rose I was taking sips of it through my nose, And I wish I could get back there, someplace back there, Smiling in the pictures you would take, Doing crystal meth, will lift you up until you break.
‘What is he singing about?‘ I thought to myself in the 4th grade when listening to this song. I had no idea. I was like ‘why would he want to put something in his nose?’ I guess I didn’t care that much though. THE SONG WAS TOO GOOD.
Lady Marmalade – Christina, Lil’ Kim, Mya, Pink
Lyrics: Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Will you? WILL YOU?! We were screaming ‘will you sleep with me tonight‘ in French… over and over and over and over again. I knew what the words meant in English… and giggled for days because of it… but, like, I guess I didn’t know how weird it sounded to be chanting those words while wearing braces.
C’est La Vie – Bewitched
Lyrics: I got a house with windows and doors, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
That is all.
Boom Boom Boom – Vengaboys
Lyrics: Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room, Let’s spend the night together, From now until forever.
What did we think the booming was? We prob assumed it was related to that dance that accompanied the song. Oh, Venga Boys.
Faded – Soul Decision
Lyrics: Couldn’t we do what we did last night again, Baby you and I could be better friends, Don’t you think it’s time we went a bit further, oh yeah.
This songs was SO inappropriate that the radio had to edit the SECOND line. To this day, there is still a good number of people who don’t know that it’s actually — ‘When I get you all alone, I’m gonna take off all your clothes’ instead of ‘I’m gonna take it nice and slow.’ This ain’t an Usher song. It was SOUL DECISION. What even happened to them?
Liquid Dreams – O-Town
Lyrics: ‘I dream about a girl who’s a mix of Destiny’s Child, Just a little touch of Madonna’s wild style, With Janet Jackson’s smile, rolled in a body like Jennifer, You got the star of my liquid dreams.’
This is how I learned what a ‘liquid dream’ was. Perhaps it’s how many young boys learned what a ‘liquid dream’ was too. Thanks for telling us about your fantasy (another inappropriate song by Luda… but we won’t even go there… nor will we go to Oochie Wally… or My Neck My Back… but just know — they happened).
When The Lights Go Out – Five
Lyrics: When I flick da switch, Make ya hips wanna dip now, I can get you off, Cos I’m ready and equipped now, Swing for me baby give me all that you got, Never wanna stop cos ya make me feel hot, I know what you wanna do, And that I feel the same way too, Give me what ya want through, The days and the nights, Yeah its about time, That we turned out the lights!
The Rap Verse. Really?
Wannabe – The Spice Girls
Lyrics: If you wanna be my lover, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam, slam.
Yup. Not only did you have to get with all the friends, you also had to SLAM.
Thong Song – Sisqo
Lyrics: She had dumps like a truck truck truck, Thighs like what what what, Baby move your butt butt butt, Uh I think I’ll sing it again.
It’s hard to read the above lyrics without hearing Robert Goulet… but do it and you will be brought back to a middle school dance, in which you chanted these lyrics while shaking your ‘rump.’ Normal.
The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang
Lyrics: You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals, So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
HAHA. LOL. Giggle fest: commence. This song was, like, SOOOO funny. Not to mention, this rap verse was pretttttty racy. OH WELL.
Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means “Small Craft Advisory”
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I’m Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I’ll show you mine “Tool Time” you’ll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we’ll do it doggy style so we can both watch “X-Files”
The Real Slim Shady – Eminem
Lyrics: And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids, And expect them not to know what a woman’s clitoris is, Of course they gonna know what intercourse is…
CLITORIS. CLITORIS. We were saying CLITORIS. And asking adults what it was. No wonder parents hated Eminem… or maybe that was because of his track, ‘Kim.’ Or maybe because he was WHITE and RAPPING. Either way, we got over it. AND WE GREW UP JUST FINE.
Too Close – Next
The Girl: Step back you’re dancing kinda close, I feel a little poke coming through, On you.
The Guy: Now girl I know you felt it, But boo, you know I can’t help it, You know what I wanna do.
What did he want to do? We had no idea. And we didn’t care. We just wanted to get our groove on to it at the middle school dance.
Pony – Ginuwine
Lyrics: If your horny, Let’s do it, Ride it, My Pony My saddle’s waiting Come and jump on it.
I remember listening to this on my discman while nodding my head. Really? They were saying ‘horny?’ REALLY? It’s even worse than I thought.
So if you’re freaking out about sexually provocative artists like Miley and the horrible effect they are going to have on kids, don’t worry about it (I’m not worried about it). Look at the shit we belted out and the dances that accompanied it. We turned out just fine… and so will the children introduced to, like, twerking and stuff. Everyone will turn out JUST FINE.