Sometimes when I lie in bed at night, I can’t fall asleep because I am stuck thinking about all the emails and texts I never answered that day. I somehow manage to be fine with forgetting about them and then the moment I am in a place I can’t actually respond, the anxiety sets in. Like when I’m in the car driving. It happens then too.

But the people who never receive a response from me don’t know this. They don’t that I care. They don’t know that I actually want to respond. They just think I’m mean, that I’m a bitch, and/or that I’m super flaky – which I kind of totally am, but that is neither here nor there.

Basically, there is so much I want to say to all the people whose texts and emails and Facebook chats and Twitter DMs go unanswered. And while I would love to respond to all of you one by one, or call you up like Billy Madison called up all the classmates he bullied, I’ve got to write articles, run a business, go on coffee runs, work out, and watch my TV shows.

I know — NO EXCUSES — but I felt like a list of things I’d love all the people I’ve ignored to know would suffice… especially since 99.9% of you are guilty of doing this too.

None of us are Beyonce. She clearly has more hours in the day, which is kind of unfair but I’m over it.


1. I really did mean to answer you.

I just didn’t.


2. I probably didn’t answer you right away because I read your email at a red light while driving.

Then I just forgot about it.


3. Or I read it when I was walking or working out.

And I forgot about it again.




4. I also might have read your email and answered it in my head and forgot that I never actually answered it in writing.

I do this all the time. Sometimes, for example, if you send me something funny, I’ll laugh and show other people how ~funny~ you are (this almost always happens when I’m drinking). I just never let you know how funny you are – and for that, I am sorry.


5. If I don’t get back you in 24 hours, please follow up!

Basically, I’ll either respond to you right away, in a few hours, or never. It’s nothing against you, so just follow up and hopefully you’ll catch me when I’m not driving, walking, drinking (and answering people in my head), or trying to be off the grid.


6. If you have followed up more than three times, you should probably just give up.

This might mean I actually don’t care. *I’m talking to you spam guest blogger emailers*


7. I still think about answering your email.

I just haven’t gotten around to it. Or too much time has passed and I’m scared you’ll think I’m a random flake (which, again, I am, but whatever).


8. I really am sorry that I never got back to you.

Seriously I’m sorry. So follow up. Treat me like you want to be treated when you ignore me. Because you know you’re guilty of it too.

We all are.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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