It was a rough weekend. Friday, my diet was normal – special k in the morning, chobani yogurt for lunch, apple slices, strawberries, special k bars, eggs for dinner… and then it happened – The Captain.

After having a lack of dancing in my life for the past month, my friends and I were finally able to ALL go out together for a birthday (in my group of friends, it’s always someones birthday – AND YES, we ended up taking the Party Bus, despite what I may have said in a previous blog post).

Anyway, I drank over half a pint of captain before I entered the bar. And inside the bar, I remember having a drink of Sex on the Beach (hello Bahamas), a shot of Red Headed Slut (whatever that is), and two captain & cokes (I do remember ordering a diet coke the 1st time – sticking to the diet as usual). I heard that I may have had a beer too… which leads me to be skeptical of my memory.

Then, of course, the cab let me out in front of a pizza place. I met up with my boyfriend and he said we should MAKE pizza at his apartment instead (he can sometimes be the sobering voice of saving money and calories), but my drunk self insisted to go inside the pizza place. Since he had brought up the idea of MAKING a frozen pizza at home, I decided to get french fries as an appetizer. SO, I ate half of the french fries, passed out while the room was still spinning, woke up at 6:50 am, ran to the bathroom, and started puking.

This ended up going on for hours. I felt like I was back in college. The last time I had gotten so sick from drinking was Cinco De Mayo 2010 aka the last Collegetown Wednesday of my college career (that’s an Ithaca thing FYI)… I dove off of a table that night. I would like to think my mature, college graduated self is much more… mature. But, I have failed to prove that yet.

Meanwhile – back to me throwing up (gross) – I had to drive a friend to my house 20 minutes away to get her car. While she waited to leave downstairs in the apartment building, I was still in the bathroom throwing up. After I braved the drive without throwing up and dropped her off, my boyfriend made me take him to Costco. Okay, now I normally LOVE Costco… but not that Saturday morning. The first thing I did when I got to Costco was run to the bathroom. Then I rushed my boyfriend through the store, not stopping to take any free samples (even though they had soo many good ones out). Finally we made it back to his place, and I was hungry again.

I decided since I had thrown everything up, I was hungry… and wanted to eat something bad. AKA chicken fingers & fries from Unos. It was the only meal I ate all day (other than the bagel I was forced to eat and then threw back up after). I ate the whole greasy meal. And then stayed in bed the rest of the day/night watching trashy television.

The next day, I felt better… but I knew that I had to go Not Your Average Joes that night for my boyfriend’s Easter dinner (I’m Jewish), and before I went I obv checked out the nutrition values on the online nutrition list menu. Nothing was looking promising… and after reading that one piece of their beloved bread is 113 calories alone and WITH the dip is 208 calories, I was sad. The salads did not even look that good for you – I mean, if you’re going to be eating 1000+ calories worth of salad, you might as well indulge in a burger right? Probably not… So, I was upset. I decided I was going to try and eat enough before so I wouldn’t eat a lot at the dinner and could eat popcorn when I got home or something.

That morning, I had a bowl of cereal (measuring an exact cup of course) and then since it was like 75 degrees out, I walked to Pinkberry and got a small original with strawberries,  bananas, and captain crunch (the Sam Special). Since we were going to an early dinner/late lunch, I had a banana and some carrots & dip before…

And then, I got to dinner and scanned the menu. All I could remember about the salad calories was that most of the salads were over 1000 except the house salad. I then saw the Waldorf salad on the menu – which had grapes, apples, and craisins in it – all things I love. SO I ordered it. Now you would THINK that the salad would be really healthy for you and low in calorie (without dressing)… but NO – 1232 calories in ONE salad. It wasn’t even a gigantic salad. Soo, I got the dressing on the side and then did the whole dip the fork in the dressing before you put the salad on the fork thing. I ate less than half the salad, so things worked out… However, I ate a piece of bread and dipped it in the sauce 🙁

The good thing about ordering salad as a meal is that no one actually LOVES salad. Well, at least I don’t. And if I order one, I’m going to get sick of it half way through eating it… unless its super small… so you get away with not eating a lot and being okay with it.

After dinner, at home, I ate a 420 calorie bag of popcorn – it was salted, not buttered… so it’s supposed to be better for you. But it’s not. It’s a special treat.

The moral of this story is that I woke up Monday morning and gained 3 pounds since Friday. AKA my “weekend diet” sucked.

I now created a personal, private blog to track my diet… and am hoping that it helps me to eat right while drunk and on the weekends – and to stop being influenced by friends and alcohol! You can lose weight AND not stop drinking – I’ve done it before – and I could do it again… So when I actually start caring about my diet, I will provide tips on HOW to lose weight and drink and not how to NOT lose weight and drink.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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