When Girls first aired and Hannah kept getting naked in her bathtub with friends, I was like oh hey this is really weird. The getting naked and bathing with your friends part… then the eating while doing so… and then just the pure fact that people were taking baths, because like who even does that anymore?!

Oh but they do.

In fact, baths are having a moment.

Hanna took a bath Tuesday night on Ravenswood (yes, Ravenswood – not PLL… She made an appearance last night and I couldn’t miss it. Sorry I have an extreme girl crush on Ashley Benson) and again I was like hey, what is with the bath obsession?

This led me to believe that maybe only people named Hanna(h) were having a weird thing with old, gross baths. But no. Caleb has taken  a bath too. Ugh that water looks disgusting.

My friend told me today that a lot of people take baths. Like, it’s become a thing. A “hipster” thing. Or maybe it was a “hipster” thing and now, like everything else, it’s catching on.

Perhaps Girls sparked the bath revolution. Maybe we forgot that you can use your bathtub to take a bath and Hannah and the gang reminded us you can. Maybe they got people in tiny, old rented apartments everywhere to feel somewhat okay with having their naked ass touch the used and slightly gross tubs in their bathrooms. Or maybe everyone has been taking baths since I stopped at age 6 (jacuzzis and hot tubs not included — if there is hot tub, I will be in it), and I just didn’t know.

I asked people on Twitter and Facebook (because who asks people things IRL anymore?) their opinion on baths and I got mixed reviews. I was definitely surprised to hear from so many people who LOVED baths.

Why do they love them? It’s a place to unwind and getaway. It’s a place to drink wine. It’s a place to read a book in peace and quiet.

And… I get that. BUT, there are two things halting my desire to take a bath:

1. Who has the time to take baths, like really? and 2. Unless you live at home and can bathe in your super clean bathtub, you’re most likely dealing with a gross, dirty, ancient bathtub that has been providing bathing experiences for way too many people for way too long. NO THANKS.

I mean, I would love to add a bath to my daily routine. I can see it now. Me, my friend wine, some bubbles, maybe some music, and of course a waterproof device that you can blog and tweet from (what is a book?). I would own that shit. I almost feel peaceful when thinking about it.

But then I dive right back into reality and it stresses me out to even think about when I would actually have time in my busy life to take a bath. I have to, like, make time for sex. How would you expect me to make time for a bath?

Getting wet is a very stressful thing for me. I know once it happens, there goes a good 30 minutes to an hour of my life. I have to dry off, sit naked in a towel for at least five minutes just because, get dressed, and – dun dun dun – do my hair. Once my hair is wet, there is no turning back. I mean, I can’t let it air dry. I can’t just frolic around with wet hair. I have to blow dry it. And if I do forgo blowdrying it, I have to tame it somehow after it does air dry by curling it or straightening it, which again eats up time I could be spending doing something else. IT’S A PROCESS. And I lack time for a process (i.e. getting wet in a bath) on top of another process (getting dry).

Maybe this is my problem. Maybe I’m too focused on what else I could be doing at every second that I never actually live in the moment.

Maybe I need to start living in the moment. Maybe I should start by unwinding and relaxing more. And maybe I should start this process by taking a bath.

Or not. Right now I live with my boyfriend and his small hairs are everywhere (cue the Dashboard song). Unless I get down on my hands and knees and scrub the shit out of that thing, there’s no way my naked body is taking the risk of swimming around with random pubes. Chances are you feel the same if you have a roommate(s). Their hair (pubic, facial, or hair head, because that shit sheds everywhere) is probably everywhere too. And if they’ve used your bathroom for sex (or masturbation), dried up semen could be floating around too. Talk about FUCKING. DISGUSTING.

Even if I lived alone, that would not change my desire to bathe in my apartment. The shower/bath combination in my bathroom has been around for a long time and probably has had all sorts of people coming in and out of it for years. I don’t know where that bath has been, who has been in it, and what has happened in it. And I’m not taking any chances.

That thing is dirty and old as fuck.

Maybe when I have my own house one day I’ll put in a jacuzzi and lounge in it with wine on a regular basis. Or — who am I kidding — I would never have time for that.

Oh well.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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