Being in your twenties means…

…Being able to take straight shots of vodka without being deemed an alcoholic. In high school, you were ‘too young.’ In college, it was illegal. But in your twenties (well post-21) it’s completely legal and completely normal to drink alcohol like it’s water and you’re dying from 100 degree heat. Once you start getting more responsibilities (at work and at home), you won’t be able to black out without talks of rehab in your future. So rage while you can.

…Making last minute plans. Tell everyone you’re staying in on a Friday, but then get a second wind around 9:30 and decide to chug a bottle of Captain Morgan? You can do that. Invite everyone over for a mustache party on a Saturday out of nowhere? It’s fine. Yes, people are actually busy now with their so-called ‘lives,’ but that doesn’t mean your fun has to end. So what if your life isn’t as spontaneous as it was in college? It’s still semi-spontaneous. You can still do what you want without having to worry about anyone else. You can do you. For now…

…Having time to go to the gym. I know you don’t have as much time as you did for the gym in college, but at least you have some time for it now. You won’t have much extra time when your job responsibilities grow and when you start having kids. Not to mention, as you get older you won’t have as much energy and your body won’t look so ‘young.’ You’ll get wrinkles, your metabolism will slow down, and if you decide to become a mom – your baby bod won’t be so easy to get rid of without a celebrity personal trainer. So for now, work out as much as you can! It will be worth it.

…Not knowing what exactly your company does. Sure you know what you do at your job (unless you’ve been working less than 6 months – then you’re prob still clueless)… but do you know what the person a few cubes down in the other department is doing? Probably not. But that’s okay. Because you’re a twentysomething. And you’re not supposed to know anything. People don’t want you to know what you’re doing. They want to know more than you and therefore feel smarter and more superior. So let them. And don’t feel bad when your grandmother asks you what your company does and you don’t know. Neither does anyone else!

…Not worrying about feeding other people. In our 20s, we spend a lot of money on things like clothes, alcohol, clothes, rent, shoes, clothes, the gym, clothes, etc (okay maybe that’s just me). But one thing we cut back on while living on a very tight budget is food. Why buy organic fruit and steaks to keep in the freezer when we can buy the very basics and get by? We’re busy. There’s no time to cook gourmet meals or worry about what kinds of food we’re putting in our bodies (unless you’re allergic to gluten like me, then you’re effed). So before we have to worry about raising skinny children and keeping our spouse from getting diabetes, we can worry about ourselves – and only ourselves – and buy the bare amount we can to get by… while still being healthy of course.

…Working late with no real responsibilities to go home to. You should want to work late when you’re young… Especially if you get paid for it. Working late shows you care about your job and you want to do everything in your power to make the company look good… AKA you want a promotion one day. Putting in the work now will (hopefully) make it easier for you to advance because soon enough, you won’t be able to put in all that extra work. You’ll be so busy with your future family that you won’t have the ability to stay late and do extra work. So as long as you have no family to go home and feed and no children to drive to practice, take care of yourself by working as much as you can while you can.

…Living at home and not getting shit for it. After graduating you may move far away, stay in your college town, or venture 15 minutes down the road to some tiny apartment to have ‘freedom.’ But as much as you may think living at home sucks, it’s not that bad. Free home cooked food. Roommates you can fight with but still love the next day. No rent being taken out of your bank account. And you’re so busy with work, it’s not like you’re going out basking in your freedom during the week anyway. Living at home in your twenties is okay… But when all your friends start getting married, having kids, and moving to their own suburban homes, you may want to consider not shacking up with your parents anymore. That won’t be for a while though… Or so it seems.

…Actually having money. In college, we had some money. But for most of us, it wasn’t ours. It was our parents. And if we actually had money that was ours, it wasn’t a lot (unless you went to a school with a co-op program such as Northeastern). We worked minimum wage jobs for a minimum amount of hours a week. We couldn’t let jobs interfere with partying even if it meant we wouldn’t be able to afford Captain Morgan that weekend and would have to resort to Sailor Jerry. But now as ‘adults in the real world,’ we can always afford Captain Morgan. In fact, we can afford to not have a pregame in our apartment and actually go to a bar before 10pm. What a concept. We can also afford clothes not from Forever 21 and food that is not fast. And although we don’t have a lot, having money is the best.

…Being able to eat frozen meals on a daily basis. Ahh, frozen meals. The epitome of fast food that is semi-healthy. Or at least we tell ourselves it’s semi-healthy because the calories are barely there… however the sodium is at an all time high. But who needs to worry about sodium in their twenties? Not us. We make frozen meals not only because they’re easy and good, but because we are only cooking for one. And when you’re only cooking for one person who wants to whip up some three course meal after getting home at 9pm from a 12 hour work day? Not this entry level slave. So for now I’ll indulge in a frozen meal every other day.

…Not giving a f*ck. In pre-school, you cared who was playing with you on the playground. In middle school you cared who was seen roaming the streets with you on Friday night. In high school you cared about which crew you were drinking with on the weekend and how many proms you could go to in one year. And in college you cared about how many shots you could take without ending up in the health center and how many people wrote on your wall for your birthday… Until you entered your twenties. Then you didn’t give a f*ck. You stopped caring about anyone other than yourself. If you wanted to go to a party no one else wanted to go to, you would. If you wanted to be seen with someone people didn’t like, you would. You do whatever makes you happy without caring about anyone or anything else. I mean, you’re a twentysomething. You’re young… but not for long. You better enjoy it while it lasts…


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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