I have been doing that “adulting” thing since I was forced to leave Ithaca, New York eight years ago. My childhood bedroom called and said my four years of fucking around were up, so I left college and fell asleep for eight months in my twin bed until I got my very first job. I’m just kidding. I didn’t sleep through my first eight months in the real world. I also went out to bars with friends and applied to jobs. Unemployed life, y’all.

Through my 20s, I began to master the art of adulthood. I started cooking real dinners not in the microwave. I was calling places to book appointments ON MY OWN. I could kill living and breathing bugs in my home without freaking out. I was growing up—but I still had a lot of work to do.

As I edge closer to the big 3-0, I can’t help but notice that I’ve stopped doing things a lot of the things I used to do in my 20s. While I often to get upset that I no longer do the same shit I used to do, I realize that all of this is part of growing up. I’m sure when I’m in my mid 30s, I’ll look back on the immature things I did in my late 20s that I don’t do anymore (I couldn’t tell you what those things are now though!).

Hear are all the things I’ve stopped doing in my late-20s making me a full-fledged grown-ass adult.


1. Pre-gaming

From ages 17 to 24, I was the human form of the quote “I pre-game harder than you party.” Then, when I got older, if I pre-gamed even remotely close to how much I “partied,” I would end up passed out by 8pm. In my mid-20s, I still tried to pre-game because saving money is awesome, but eventually I (and all of my friends) stopped pre-game. This is mostly because we can’t handle drinking like we used to – but also because if we ever used the phrase “pre-game” at 29, people would look at us like we were Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused.” Tryna be young when we’re really just, like, kind of old. (I do miss the days of catching up with people at pre-games before going out though, and 100% would do this again if invited.)


2. Going out every weekend

Instead of going out when I want to stay in like I spent the majority of my mid-20s doing, I now stay in when I want to stay in. I go out now as much as I stayed in during my early 20s. It’s almost as if “going out” and “staying in” swapped places. Actually, they definitely did swap places.


3. Sending mass texts

Mass texts were the bane of my existence from my early 20s through my mid 20s. However, when I entered my mid 20s, everyone pretty much stopped answering mass texts until they officially became extinct in my late 20s (RIP). Side note: This does not include mass texts with a small group of friends about life in general. This is more mass texts with a bunch of random people about making plans. Don’t do big random mass texts after 25. It is adult social suicide.


4. Shopping for cheap fast fashion

I don’t mean Forever 21. Hopefully, most people stop shopping at Forever 21 around age 25 before the idea of adulthood becomes even remotely appealing. When I say “cheap fast fashion” I mean buying super trendy clothing at high prices from semi-expensive stores, like Zara and Nordstrom and everywhere. I mean, its fine to buy some trendy stuff – but focusing on investment pieces that you can wear a bunch is a much better idea.


5. Drunk eating

Okay, I still have the urge to eat after I have one too many drinks. But I’m not always running to pizza as if drunk pizza is a life or death situation, which it used to be. I mean, I “drunk ate” grapes a few weeks ago. It was weird, but I guess that’s how you know you’re an adult.


6. Deferring to my mom before making important life choices.

As a grown up, I figure out things myself, or I at least try. I used to call my mom literally every time I was making a decision to ask her opinion (these things ranged from how long I should put things in the microwave to how I should phrase a thank you letter to a prospective new job). Now I only ask my mom how to do things 50% of the time. #Adulthood


7. Thinking of the house I grew up in/my parent’s home as my home.

I guess this one doesn’t count for those still living in their parent’s home. But if you moved out, and you no longer think of the home you grew up in as home, then pat yourself on the back because you, my friend, have hit peak adulthood.


8. Being totally on top of today’s hottest music.

You don’t have to stop listening to pop music ever, but as an adult, you’ll probably be late to party when finding it. What you’ll really have trouble with as an adult is knowing the cool, underground tunes today’s youth is loving. Or maybe you’ll know.. you just won’t understand. I know. I just don’t get it. I see you Spotify charts. Why.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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