Where are my keys?

what's really in my bag

That is my signature catchphrase. Although I rarely actually lose my keys, I often misplace them along with 99.9% of my other belongings. Probably half of the things I misplace go missing and I don’t know why. Perhaps I’m careless or perhaps I have bad luck. Either way, I am always losing things. WAH.

If you are like me, you definitely understand the struggle. Here are 14 problems that are way too real for us idiots.

1. You can never find your keys. They are never where you think they are, mostly because you can never think of where they would be. Now you’re wondering where they are right now…

2. You can also never find your glasses, even though they usually are on your head. My grandmother used to do this. I am a grandmother. Help.

3. Your bag literally has everything in it, but you can never find anything.

4. You can never return anything because you can’t handle keeping track of receipts. Even if they email the receipt to you, somehow it seems to always vanish.

5. You have one earring for each pair of earrings you’ve ever purchased. WHERE DO THEY ALL GO?

6. Same with socks. But seriously – where do they all go?

7. And you can’t seem to keep track of your towels. But you just blame this on the washing machine so…

8. Your parents don’t trust you with anything, so you haven’t gotten a nice gift from them since you were probably 16.

9. You don’t have your student ID anymore so you can’t get discounts at the movie theater or at theme parks or on clothes or anywhere.

10. Hair elastics are pretty much a disposable item to you because you wear them once and then they disappear. Where do they go?

11. You have to replace seasonal winter items each year because things like gloves and winter hats never seem to make it through the summer. 

12. You don’t like going to movies because you know if you have to go to the bathroom, you won’t be able to because you’ll probably lose your ticket and won’t get let back in.

13. You don’t understand why tax forms don’t come to you electronically because there is nothing more terrifying than an important paper document you will probably lose.

14. You blame other people for losing or stealing your lost belongings, and then find the belongings later and feel like an asshole.

15. You never want to tell anyone when you lose something because you don’t want them to think you ALWAYS lose things, even though you always do. In fact, you are probably in complete denial of everything on this list, but you shouldn’t be. ~*You are not alone*~


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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