Why You Should Hate Snow

It feels like just yesterday it was August and I was lying on my pretty pink towel at the beach listening to my iPod and the ocean with no care in the world. Now, all of a sudden people are telling me December starts next week.

December means one thing and one thing only: WINTER. And boy, do I hate Winter. Winter means cold weather, hibernation, and the worst — snow. I hate snow. I fucking hate it.

Snow is only acceptable when I can lie in my bed with the heat cranked, watching whatever is on E! while FB stalking randos. Well… guess what? I CANNOT DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS ANYMORE because I am no longer in college and I have a job to go to no matter what the weather is… so snow is basically not okay (ever). All snow means is cold weather, bad roads, shoveling, traffic, and pale skin. And all of those things SUCK.

Are you one of those people who enjoys snow? If you are 1. I don’t understand you and 2. Read here to see why you should hate snow too:

If you are a guy, you should hate snow. Snow means girls wear more clothes. They cover up every single part of their body… from their feet (with horrendous furry boots or even worse – UGGS)… to their faces (which in some cases is a good thing). They don’t go out as much, so you’re going to be a lone bro at the bar getting almost no ass for a good four months. Actually, people in general don’t go out as much when it snows… so you’re either going to find yourself drinking beers alone (or with all guys) on the couch, in a sausage fest at the nearest bar, OR at a party with fully clothed girls who have no interest in taking their clothes off… until May.

If you are a girl, you will not go out as much because the weather outside will SUCK and totally ruin your hair (ew, static). You will be pale as fuck and have no interest in taking out the camera or whipping out your iPhone to take pictures… so, like, what’s the point of going out anyway? You won’t even want to leave your house to go shopping or get fro-yo because umm, it’s cold… so your wardrobe will start slacking and you will have nothing to wear out in public. You will probably not go to the gym because it’s enough of a workout to dig your car out of the snow to go to work… and in return you will gain weight. You might even question the point of life, because what is the point when you can’t go to beach and have to walk around without a giant jacket and snow boots?

In addition to all of this, snow covers roads and since people can’t drive in the rain, you can imagine just how BAD those roads are in the snow. Your commute will most likely double — not to mention it will become dangerous. And if you live in a city, they will probably start declaring “snow emergencies” on certain streets meaning you can’t park there… meaning it will be ridiculously hard to find parking anywhere.

And that’s not all. To get anywhere in your car, you have to wake up an hour to two hours earlier than usual to clean off your car and make sure you can get it out of your parking spot. Not to mention, once your on the road, the roads can be slippery and dangerous, and it can be hard to see through the window.

Basically, snow pretty much sucks. But there’s nothing to do about it except move to LA, which I should do ASAP. Sure the city may fall into the ocean soon… but I definitely like the ocean more than snow, so I’d take that any day.