Help Me, I Can’t Drink Like I Used To

I love summer. I love basking in the heat, wearing dresses, eating outside, grilling, and day drinking. Okay, well, I used to love day drinking. Or, I still love day drinking, but my body definitely hates day drinking. And I mean HATES.


This past weekend, I rented a house near the beach with my friends. We had done this before during past summers, but for some reason this time was different.

The first summer we rented a house, we drank non-stop. We would drink all day, play drinking games all night, pass out (on floors and couches) for maybe 1-2 hours, and wake up to do it again. The second summer we did this, it was basically the same thing except we passed out for 5-7 hours instead. But this summer, everything changed.

I should add we were between the ages of 23 and 25 back then and now we are between the ages of 26 and 28. But even with the “small” age difference, it shows.

Unlike the last few times, we kicked off our “family vacation” by casually drinking all day and eating a real live dinner. I should add I was drinking wine spritzers this year when in year’s past I would have been chugging vodka. When it came to night time festivities, we started to drink heavily, but 3 hours later, some people started fading. A few hours after that, around 2am or 3am, those who were still standing decided to go to bed. Not even pass out — GO. TO. BED. Like brush teeth, change into PJs, and hop into bed. I should also mention this time we all had beds. This is because we’re too old to sleep on the floor now, duh.

The next morning, we woke up and cleaned. I then got a coffee, ate a Luna Bar, and worked out because #Saturday. It wasn’t until after this that I started “pounding mimosas.” And by “pounding mimosas,” I mean casually getting my buzz on while eating a hamburger and 6 million snacks to find myself way too tired to function approximately 3-4 hours later. This is when family nap time began.

Fast forward 4 hours later and the group slowly started to emerge from their sleeping quarters. The problem: No one was ready to get their drink on again. We had all drank and ate way too much that our impending old age was rejecting fun. SO we brought our party to a local ice cream parlor followed by the beach to watch the fireworks with a bunch of families — sober. After that, we went back to the house, grilled dinner (even though it was 10:30pm), had 1-2 drinks, watched TV, and eventually went to bed between 1am and 2am because #OLDAGEISUPONUS.


The fuck happened?

Isn’t it crazy how one year can make such a difference? You can’t day drink AND night drink anymore. Your body can’t handle it anymore. You and your body have a different idea of what fun is now, and that is okay. You can’t “rage” anymore, but you can still get drunk and that’s fine with you.

The verdict: Napping and drinking at 27 is equivalent to blacking out and passing out at 22. 

I wonder what the equivalent of the above is at age 30. I guess I’ve got a bit of time to figure that one out…

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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